35 days today and tonight will be the completion of Week 5!
As everyone commented yesterday, time really does start to fly.
I wrote a post that I have saved about moderation. All about how I felt I had changed my mindset and probably wouldn't have any trouble with one glass here or there on vacation or at some social event and that the rest of the time I could remain alcohol free.
I never published it. Glad I didn't. Because I don't feel the same way about it.
First, after continued blog surfing and reading about relapses, my mind is more convinced that picking up a glass of alcohol really could have adverse effects. That perhaps I would be kidding myself to think I can just drink a little here and there.
Second, I have learned to visualize the future much better. Thanks to others' advice, when I get the thought that I could drink again my thinking goes sort of like this....
- I bet I could have a glass of wine and be fine.
- But then, what would be the purpose of that? I've gone so long without that even if I could have one, why would I want to?
- I really like my nights of sleep
- And what if I don't stop at one? If I have one, I'll need more to really "feel" it. Then I will feel like crap about the fact that I drank, I would have to blog about it, and then I wouldn't get anything done the next morning.
- So might as well skip it
I'm not really thinking about forever anymore. I can drink any time I want to, I just don't see why I would want to right now. Days are mounting up rapidly and I'll be at 100 before I know it.
Thankfully, this shift has occurred before I fly out on vacation a week from today. I was originally thinking I would need lots of tools to avoid drinking. Now I think I just need good sleep, good books, some good mocktails and I'll just escape to room if I need a little peace or take a walk on the beach! Salt air is always good for the mood.
I went on a six mile hike this morning. I remember doing some 2 mile slogs after drinking the night before. Today I felt great and I don't feel like a slug sitting down and taking in some blogs.
Memorial Day weekend here for me so three days off is nice and we have beautiful weather. Time to go hit the pool!
HD
I'm so glad you didn't publish the moderation post, HD! Have a look at my post on relapse stories - all of those, myself included, who've been down that route only to end up bruised and battered and back at Day One after months drinking as much as ever.... You're doing brilliantly! Xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you, you'd think I would begin to believe it wouldn't you? Well, I'll just keep cruising along, happy that for now I don't want it. Hopefully that really sticks! The more I read, the more I know it will.
DeleteWhen I first stopped drinking, I couldn't think in terms of forever. And when I did, it eventually led me back to drinking. This last attempt, I stopped thinking of forever and concentrated on just today. And it worked. Congrats on day 35! That is awesome. A x
ReplyDeleteThanks! I feel like that is what I am doing now, just focusing on today and how I feel. Maybe it will work!
DeleteHD, I'm so glad you changed your mind about moderation. Take it from someone who has tried this many times, it does not work. Me week 10 at a wedding, had 3 wines, less than everyone else, but slipped right back into daily drinking. Me week 18 had a shitty day, went for a walk, still felt crap, had one glass of red, but sure enough drank again the next night and the one after that. Plus many more similar times. I still don't know if there is a point in time where moderation is possible but I'm thinking it's after years of no alcohol, not weeks.
ReplyDeleteYour vacation will be great with no alcohol, better.
Thank you for sharing. These stories are what make me push the thoughts out of my head that I could maybe moderate. Makes me think "why even take the risk?". Logic kicks in.
DeleteWell done on 5 weeks of sobriety. After 120 days I mistakenly thought I could be a social drinker. Big fail. At least I know better this time. Enjoy your dip in the pool!
ReplyDelete120 days, wow. Again, these stories are so helpful, thank you for taking the time to tell me!!
DeleteWell done on week 5 HD. This battle with moderation thoughts may continue and I sincerely hope they don't but if you ever do struggle just think of me and other well known bloggers who once they fall off cannot get back on again. The moderation voice is not your voice, un identify with it, it is WOLFIE, the wine witch, addiction talking.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I hear you! I'm hoping I can have enough tools in place to ward off that voice when it comes a'calling!
DeleteI love how you are building your perspective as you continue to travel down your path. It's almost your vacation and you have a terrific perspective about it!
ReplyDeleteI DO feel like I am ready for vacation and it's not going to be a big deal. I sure didn't feel that way a few weeks ago though!
DeleteLove this- you are in a really good place. I am so happy for you, HD. :) <3
ReplyDelete