Day 15
Well, I finally had my version of the dream that others have blogged about. Now, I had a FEW anxiety dreams last night to include losing dogs I was dogsitting so it did seem to be a theme...
But I actually had a dream that I was sitting down with family and felt I had to have a glass so as to not admit that I was "not drinking". (This is obviously related to my prior Day 14 where I started drinking again for the same reason..... different family though in this dream.)
I had a full glass and then left the second mostly full. Then, also in my dream, I awoke the next morning so upset with myself for having to start all over again. I was sooo angry about being at Day 1 again and I hadn't even really enjoyed enough wine to make it worth it.
I was never so relieved as to when I "really" woke up and realized it was a dream. I didn't have to start over!
This dream indicates a few things to me:
1) I am still very anxious about telling others that I don't drink
2) I really am not ready to drink again (as if I will ever be)
3) I would be terribly disappointed if I started again now. Those feelings were so real in my dream.
4) I clearly still want too much wine or I wouldn't have been bummed to only have had a glass
I found it interesting that I didn't feel "yay, look at me, I moderated and only had a glass plus a few sips." I think that's a sign that I am nowhere near ready to go back to drinking. (Yes, I'm still not quite ready to close that door but I know 100% I'm not ready to even consider the debate of abstinence or moderation right now.)
Hooray for dreams.
I remember so many past Mothers Days with too much wine/champagne flowing. It's especially strange to think of never having champagne again...I never really liked it that much so never drank too much of it but I know it would be a gateway drink...oh well, not going to deal with that right now.
On to enjoying a peaceful AF Mothers Day here in the western U.S.A.
HD
I still am always chasing a drink in my dreams. No matter what the plot of who's there, I am looking for a bar or cooler or server to get me a drink. I am often sneaking around as well, trying to hide it in coffee cups. I think it proves what I suspected and should have known -- my brain is (still) saturated with thoughts of alcohol and I must let them die away for good. They are no longer welcome here. ; )
ReplyDeleteDreams are strange, they can feel so real! Congrats on day 15. A x
ReplyDeleteCongrats and Happy Mother's Day!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of champagne either - that won't be hard to give up even it means being the odd one out during a toast! It's so strange that it has become the drink of celebration. My dreams have become less vivid since I stopped drinking which is a massive relief. I hope you had a happy Mothers Day xx
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