My Lists

Day 8   7:45am

Well, happy, happy, joy, joy...I made it to Day 8.  Okay, I know, this is a good thing.  I'm starting week 2! I should pat myself on the back.

I'm not even sure that I have really had huge cravings.  But I definitely keep thinking and obsessing about my going alcohol free.  I check the blogs too often, am preoccupied with when the next time is I can get online, and I'm tired.   I've been busy, especially with housework yesterday, so I think I'm just cranky.  I kept thinking last night "oh boy, wouldn't a glass (or 2, 3 or 4) of wine mellow me out, soothe my mind, and help take the edge off things...."

Husband has been reducing his drinking as well although I didn't say he needed to.  (Actually, he's kind of cool when he drinks, more sensitive, shares more.  Sort of burly bear without it so I'm not opposed..... laughing!) He took an hour nap mid day and fell asleep for an hour and a half before dinner later.  Then he fell asleep at 9pm and slept all night, even sleeping in longer this morning.  He doesn't know what hit him.  I'm cracking up.

Although probably the reason I am cranky is that he is sleeping off his issues with alcohol and I'm running around the house like the energizer bunny trying to get everything done and keep busy so I don't think about it.  I wish I could nap like him!

My mind is going at warp speed and he just goes to his "nothing place."  Typical male.  If anyone hasn't seen this youtube sketch about the male brain, it's hilarious!!
The Nothing Box

Anyway... I keep my Scorecard on the other tab on this site called My Lists.  I like to see that I have many, many more reasons for not drinking than I do for drinking.

Last night I added one to my "for drinking" list though.  Rut-ro!

I just really, really wanted a glass of wine so that I could "tune out" and shut down all the voices in my head.  Maybe I am just having the first of withdrawals and feeling tired from all the effort I am putting in to not drinking.

Jason Vale made it sound so easy.  The gist I got from the book was...If you really believe alcohol is a poison and, that it doesn't do anything for you, then why would you still want it?  Oh, Jason, I still want it....

He also said something about control....that it's so much easier to just not have any alcohol....that you don't have to spend that time controlling how much you drink, and you become free from control.  The problem is that I think I spend a whole lot more time now thinking about alcohol and controlling the urge to not drink.  I think Jason would be frowning reading my blog....I get what he says, I just hoped this path would be as easy as he made it sound.  I wasn't even a person who disagreed with anything he said...

But my scorecard is helping.  And I slept well last night.  And it's a beautiful sunny day today...time to get positive!

I'm going to go workout now with a good audio book, get myself into a sustainable good mood and make it through this evening!!  I'll have to try the Bubble Hour too!  Never had heard of it until recent.  What a whole new world in this online universe!

HD