Long before I decided to go Alcohol Free I read a quote that went something like this:
"Don't drink to be happy, be happy to drink"
It stuck with me and I started applying it to myself. That's when I realized that I was, much more often than not, drinking to be happy. Oh sure, I would also drink at celebratory occasions but that wasn't the majority of the time I drank. In the evenings I was drinking to tune out, not to celebrate a wonderful day at work!
In fact, I discovered that when I was really feeling happy, I really didn't need alcohol. I was conditioned to have it though so I drank. However, I didn't drink nearly as much, and actually drank more "normally", when I was feeling really happy.
Alcohol does pull the curtain down. The more we drink the unhappier we become (even if we are generally happy people) and the more we then need to drink to push away the unhappiness. Such a merry go'round, such a vicious cycle.
I'm writing this today to remind myself about this. I am feeling really great lately. The cloud has lifted. I don't think I'm seeing pink fluffy clouds either. This isn't euphoria I'm experiencing, just a really, solidly pleasant feeling of contentedness and overall happy sense of well-being.
I don't remember feeling like this in the near past. I would get euphoric and then blah. Not super high or low but this middle of the road feeling seemed elusive.
While I was drinking, when I was happy, I would have great ideas, goals etc. But then I would get blah and wouldn't have the energy to implement them.
If someone can just get to Day 15 (2 weeks under their belt) and then to Day 30, I think they have a really good chance of going further and feeling better about the process.
I'm using this quote above as a tool for me when I have cravings. It is my litmus test. If I feel like I need wine to be happy then it's an automatic "nope, can't have it then". I tell myself it's my choice to drink or not but I must, absolutely must, be happy before I try it.
And lo and behold when I'm happy my brain doesn't want it. Even if it's a celebratory occasion, I'm easily able to pass.
...But that little test I ask myself has helped immensely over the past few weeks.
HD
I know what you mean about not feeling euphoria but rather contentment. I think that's a good and promising thing. You are doing great.<3 :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, CWD, for your continued support!
DeleteSounds like you're working out some things well here. Figuring out new ways to think through all this is so important. Interesting post xo
ReplyDeleteThanks! I hope you are finding peace and contentment as well and that you get the librarian training you were applying for!
DeleteI really like that quote and when I apply it to myself it works in the negative. I was under the false illusion of drinking to be happy or at least to try and be happy.
ReplyDeleteYes, Somewhere along the path I switch from drinking to enjoy to drinking to be happy. Such a rotten way to live! Drinking to escape stress, escape sadnese, feel happy. I have forgotten how to truly deal with life and all its twist and turns. That bottle was a false friend, a liar, a deceiver. Thank you for reminding me of that xx
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ReplyDeleteYour post brought back so many memories HD. I would get positively giddy hours before drinking. And that giddiness lasted around an hour into drinking. Then it was all down hill. I worried so much that Id miss the anticipation and Id miss that hour per day. I don't. I'm so glad you are along for the ride!
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