Libido....where??

Day 17

Alcohol and libido are an interesting pairing.  I haven't seen that much written on this topic or I've just missed it in my blog surfing.

Because I would succumb to the wine witch primarily at home in the evenings, I admit to more than my fair share of morning conversations that went something like this:

Me: G'morning sweetie.  Love you.  (Trying to avoid breathing on him as I feel like a cat shat in my mouth while I was sleeping)

Him:  G'morning love you too.

Me:  That was fun last night......  (me wondering exactly what we did, if we did anything, thinking we probably did)

Him: Yes, that was.  (big grin on his face)

Me: (Thinking...shit, I don't remember anything.. was it good? was I good?)

Me: Great! (I say)....umm...did we umm....??

Him:  (Smiling)  Yes.  You don't remember?

Me:  Sure I do (Not really).  Most of it anyway.  Just had a lot of wine I guess.

Him:  (Just continuing to grin and I can tell his mind is NOT thinking about my drinking....)

Alcohol would alternately cause me to be "too tired" at night and wanting nothing else than to go to sleep or the opposite where I felt like we were trying to be the main characters of an Austin Powers movie. 

Husband has a big libido and I'm always trying to keep up.  This is part of the reason I am fine with him drinking.  They say it can affect a man that way.  He has been a drinker (not, though, to the extent that I have) ever since I've known him.  If his libido is this high, at 50, and he drinks 1/2 bottle to a bottle of wine night....there is NO WAY I want him to stop.  Heaven help me if he did.

I suppose I should be grateful to be with a man like this at my age but I struggle to not feel that I'm letting him down.  You know that old saying "Don't let the horse leave the barn hungry" or something like that. (Prior husband liked to look for fillies...so I'm probably a little overly sensitive on this topic.)

I am really proud of myself and happy to have made it to Day 17.  But I HAVE been super tired at the end of the day.  I find that my libido is a bit like Elvis and seems to have "left the building" more often than not lately. I pull through the moment and pony up but I truthfully would have preferred to lay like a lizard in the sun and just go to sleep.

Like a post I read in another blog, I, too, feel like everyone needs a piece of me and I'm tired and don't want to be touched some evenings.  Tired of taking care of/organizing everything.

While I have more energy during the day, it's as if once I've made it through wine o'clock, the effort of that alone just completely wipes me out.  I think wine mitigated this feeling and made evenings easier in this respect, made me more relaxed and therefore ready for late evening activities.

I find myself wanting wine, in part, to be fun again.  To be ready for things. Maybe this feeling of lethargy will pass.  I don't want it to affect us and am nervous about that aspect of our relationship.

Hubby is being very supportive, I have to say that for him.  We are trying to be strategic about this.  But I look forward to getting more of "my Mojo back, baby!"  Hoping that this is part of perseverance and there is light at the end of this tunnel.....

HD