Day 24
Yesterday I wrote how I have really reduced my Facebook surfing. We all know how easy it is to fall into the trap of believing everyone else is happy and joyful all the time based upon their facebook posts. I went and looked at my own posts on Fbook. They look pretty cheerful too. I'm not one to be a downer and I like to find humor in situations or at least provoke thought.
There is a danger to this sober universe. Some people start and stop all the time. Some can never seem to start. Others stop and make it look so easy.
I was reading back through all my posts. I realize I tend to philosophize my way through this blogging. I'm just chatting away with myself regardless of who is listening. I haven't really talked about too many physical issues or emotional pain I may be in.
It looks like I just one day decided to stop, started talking to myself about it, and, voila, 24 days have passed.
I just want to remind anyone reading that by the time I started writing, it was after a very long period of wanting to stop. It was daily starts and stops. Going 2 days here, 3 days there, I may have even made it to 5 days but never 7. And 5 was rare. It was years of doing this. I just didn't know about blogs.....didn't realize how many others were in the same boat.
I don't want my journey to reflect on others experiences. We see some blogs going back a few years as people continue to struggle with stopping. Well, I could have written those blogs from about 2011 to 2013. It took me 3 more years before I even got to this point. I just joined in on the sober universe very late in the game.
Others start blogging/reading at different points. Some have just become aware they want to quit and find the blogging tool. Others are a little further along. Others quit awhile ago without the online support but are now needing support to continue and can help others along the way.
Today I write for others who may find this post. Don't beat yourself up for whatever your journey is. If you are reading blogs that means you are working on your issue. That's good enough.
Just don't let that false picture of "easy" that some may accidentally portray to mean it's really easy. Just like we don't always see a bad day in someone's life on facebook, sometimes its easier to talk about the humorous situations and the mindset of everything without talking about the pain involved in quitting drinking.
Those who are blogging about their pain are awesome. They really open themselves up for support from the rest of us. Wanting online anonymity keeps me from blogging too much about withdrawal and pain...... but know that it's there! I'm still very vulnerable and waffling in my resolve. I have just chosen to try my hardest to get to Day 100, lose some weight and re-evaluate!
HD
I understand what your saying -- I also don't talk much about the pain and struggle. I have this idea that all it takes is a positive attitude when in reality, that's just a piece of the puzzle. If I knew the secret, I wouldn't be trying to quit (again), I would have quit years ago. I have tons of sobriety if you add up all the day 1's and 2's, but they took place over decades. I have even more drinking days, however, so I really need help this time around. Somehow reading these blogs and knowing other people are struggling is really helping me keep my resolve.
ReplyDeleteExactly! Thanks for your comments!
Delete**CLAPPING LOUDLY** Bravo HD! Bravo! This post will help far more people than you realise. It is so simple I wish I had thought of it but I one of the ones ringing their hands feeling shame because again I am going to have to say I failed -yet again. When I first started reading this I [selfishly] thought 'oh my god she has exposed me as one of the start/stops or maybe she thinks I am the can't start at all' I was literally mortified for a few milliseconds. Then I realised you were highlighting the very nature of this whole soberverse, we are all individuals who are at different points in our sobriety. This time for me has been an angst filled on/off nightmare that just beggars belief, I have become a caricature of the stop start drinker and it is tearing me apart. If I had started blogging on my first sober adventure I would have sounded very optimistic and gung ho like Sober Mummy or Sober Sassy Life. Truth is I fell off and have been clawing my way back since and this lovely post reminded me that everyone is at a different point and like Facebook and its "Highlight Reel" it isn't always what it seems. I hope I am not hijacking your post but I think you have struck gold here for anyone reading, that you can be at any stage, of any blog you read. I think you threw a life ring to a lot of people here including me. Thank you HD and big hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm soo glad you understood what I was trying to say and that I didn't offend you. I just didn't want people reading my journey and thinking that it was cakewalk for me. It's not and it hasn't been. It's not for any of us!!
DeleteGreat post. I've had almost 20 years of worrying about my drinking, stop, start, stop, start. All private and never shared with a soul until this year and blogging. Hope now this is my final stop. Xx
ReplyDeleteMe too, SP, me too!
ReplyDeleteLove this post. Really love it HD. It certainly is hard and requires hourly and by the minute conscientious thinking. Well said!
ReplyDeleteGreat post HD. You are right, how hard this is is not always depicted in our blogs. At 178 days the difficult early days are behind me, but I still have a long way to go. I am only just beginning to delve into my emotional issues. I am hoping to use my blog to do this. Congrats on day 24! A x
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post and so true! I didn't start blogging until Day 67. But I was struggling with it all for probably 10 years before actually quitting. And, it is not easy- there is always something that needs to be dealt with. I think what's also true and important to keep in mindis that it's all relevant. While we all have many similarities we are all made up differently and experience things differently.
ReplyDeleteQuitting drinking is one of the hardest things I have ever done. At day 100 and it is still hard. I was so happy today about getting to Day 100 I actually thought to myself "I need to celebrate tonight with a glass of wine!" Where the hell did that come from????? I found SM's blog my first Friday into sobriety..Day 6. It is what kept me going. I didn't know about the sober verse either. Thank goodness for it! And your post is grand!!! xo
ReplyDeleteDear HD,
ReplyDeleteOh, it's so not easy.
I didn't start my blog until I was 26 days, only because I didn't know I could blog!
Then I had to figure out how to do it!
Getting sober is THE hardest thing I have ever done!
xo
Wendy
Great comments everyone! I'm glad everyone could relate to my post today, thanks for being so supportive!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on day 24. I am day 7. I could have started blogging a long time ago but it would have been a very disapointing journey to watch, 16 years of up and down!I don't even know if this time is going to be different but I truely hope it will xx
ReplyDeleteCongrats on Day 7 - major hurdle getting to 7!!!
DeleteThis is so true for me too. I started my blog a couple of days before I stopped drinking, partly because I thought that putting my sobriety out into the world would help make me accountable and keep me on track. I think it has helped.
ReplyDeleteI haven't posted much but I'm aware that from what I have written it could look like I've just casually given up without much effort which is definitely not the case!
In 2008 I figured out that wine was making me fat, and had a couple of short periods off it to shed some weight. By 2012 I'd started to hate the hold it had over me and started to make the connection between how much I drank and how awful I felt, mentally as well as physically. It was almost impossible to get through a day without a bottle of wine and I've been 'giving up' for about 4 years. Last year and this year have been the worst. One thing I would say is that the last few weeks since I stopped have been a lot easier than I ever anticipated, the worst things have been not being able to sleep and being constantly tired. But that's nothing in comparison to the constant battle I was having with myself for 4 years when I knew I had to stop but couldn't, and that is something I definitely don't want to go through again. I feel terrible for anyone going through that still, it is soul-destroying. I think I'll have to revisit the past and write about that at some point but for now I'm enjoying being free, even if I am still worn out.
Sorry, this is a long comment, there's stuff here I should put in my own blog but that was just a very long-winded way of saying I know exactly where you're coming from! xx
Thanks, it is nice to know there are others who have struggled with the same thing. I agree, that just not even having that first glass is better than the repeat, repeat, repeat of self loathing or soul-destroying as you coined it!
DeleteThat is so, so true. It is hard, but we are all doing our best and doing what works for us. I think most of us have a period of wanting to / trying to stop before it finally sticks. Some just take longer than others, unfortunately I take longer. I just feel good that I'm working towards it all the time and all my sober periods are better than nothing. I love this blog world. We are all so similar and helping each other out. It would be so much harder without reading what you all have to say, so thanks for posting and being here :)
ReplyDeleteJust feeling better that I identified my issue in the first place, even though it took awhile for it to stick, put me in a better place. You are better for it too!
DeleteHD, just want to echo the sentiments of all previous comments and thank you for an awesome post! :) <3
ReplyDeleteThanks, CWD!!! It was great to see all these supportive comments!
DeleteI love this post. Its so true. I sometimes wonder if I started blogging too soon. Like others, I did it to hold myself accountable, but now, with every blip/slip/lapse I feel a whole new level of guilt and shame that on one day I can be so strong and positive and on another so weak willed and greedy. I like reading the positive stories, they are inspirational and motivational. (And who doesn't want to be an inspiration? However, I also glean a lot from those who slip, struggle and battle on a daily basis with their cravings and thoughts. Sometimes its hard to share these in case they are triggering to someone else, sometimes, its easier to ignore the support/helpful voices and seek solace in a glass. I have never compared it to facebook before but it is very true!! I guess all that any of us can strive to be is honest. (hug)
ReplyDeleteI think we all are going to have triggers so we can't worry if our posts trigger someone else. We can't be their only trigger. Please continue to share, it helps you and helps others.
Delete