A blossoming mindset

Day 14

This is where it all fell apart last time.  I saw family drinking, thought it was no big deal to join in, and off I went again.  I realize now I wasn't defining a new philosophy on drinking back then, I was just trying to prove to myself that I could quit and then could moderate no big deal.  NOT.  I also had family triggers early on in my days of being AF.

In some ways this time has been easier.  Instead of defining not drinking as forever, it's more like something I just don't want to do.  The family triggers won't come for another 4 weeks so I have time.

I definitely don't want to become the person I was, to feel the way I did.  That is what is keeping me from drinking.  That feeling...I'm going to refer to it as my "mindset"...is strong enough right now, so strong, that I don't want to drink and go backwards.  Do I WANT a glass of wine? Absolutely, would love one (and probably 2, 3, 4 or 5) at wine o'clock, but it's the bigger picture I don't want.  It's my list of reasons why I don't want to drink...that I don't want.

 According to Wiki...a mindset is a set of assumptions, methods, or notations held by one or more people or groups of people that is so established that it creates a powerful incentive within these people or groups to continue to adopt or accept prior behaviors, choices, or tools

I don't want to confuse mindset with willpower. A lot of us have great willpower in other areas of our lives.  In fact, willpower is what got me through the first 2 weeks of being AF back in March.  But willpower is hard to sustain in anything given the right amount of temptation.   I think anyone relying on willpower to remain alcohol free is going to have a tough time of it.  (This is probably just a round-a-bout way of saying the same thing Jason Vale says in his book but it quantifies it more for me.)

After reading so many blogs I feel that there is a mindset involved with being able to remain alcohol free. Collectively, those who have been successful, have adopted a way of thinking to overcome the desire to try the drug again.  They have ceased having to use "willpower" and are relying more on their mindset.

(People reading this who have been AF for a long time are probably saying...duh!  :-)  Oh, us newbies and our revelations we think are so new and philosophical - lol)

The question I do ponder, I admit, is whether or not my mindset, once stronger and fully developed, will ever let me truly moderate.  I hear the cries of Danger!!  I know, I know.... Then I go back to realizing that alcohol is a drug that will likely always affect me in a certain way.  I will always ignore my mindset so my mindset is best put to use by not starting drinking in the first place...or I probably don't stand a chance.  We'll see.

I looked at my plant this morning where I rooted a leaf and stuck it in a pot in my bathroom.  So here is this big African Violet leaf sticking out of dirt and lo and behold, next to it is a flower rising up out of a separate part of the dirt... and blooming.  It's very fragile but trying to make something of itself.

That's how I feel on this Saturday morning....like a little plant taking hold, starting to form, and hoping to grow into something bigger and more beautiful.  Hopeful.  Peaceful.  Calm.

HD