Getting tired

Well, at least I'm really getting burnt out and tired of all the start and stopping.

My goal in the past would have been to just get to this place:
No drinking at home, period, and then just a glass or two of wine when not at home.

I'm still frustrated that I'm not sure this is even possible for the sole reason that having any alcohol in situations where I drink normally will then allow me to cave to all the times when I wouldn't drink normally.  I'm sure anyone reading this blog is thinking "duh" but I need to get my mind convinced of this.

I planned poorly for this past week out of town.  Not visualizing that there would be wine chilled, and how I would handle it, was my downfall.

When I get the debate actually playing in my head, and I go back and forth, I'm getting stronger, I feel that.

What happened that first night of vacation was, that before any debate happened, my subconscious took over and yelped to the hubs "oh why don't we just have this bottle that's chilled and no more, one little cheat".  So we did, and then opened another. Then bought more because we had already screwed up.  It is tough with both of us trying to deal with our own excessive habits.  He's pretty strong but I can tell he is waiting for me to cave.  He is also very competitive so if I say I'm doing 30 days, then he will too.  He'll hang in there just so he doesn't "lose".  But if I cave, he's game.

So tomorrow is Easter and we go to a party.  I won't drink tonight and may not tomorrow but I'm just so frustrated of blogging, failing, blogging, failing, that I'm just starting Monday again for sure.   Monday will take effort so it will be Day 1 regardless and I'll do it with Lia, together.