And I was doing so well, too!!
We arrived at our vacation house and I wasn't even thinking I wanted wine. I opened the refrigerator and there was a bottle of chardonnay, all chilled.
Before I knew it, I was saying to my husband, what if we just drink this and then go back to not drinking. Of course, he agreed and before I knew it had a glass poured for each of us. Stinker.
And of course he then found a red as well. No hangover this morning but just really disappointed in myself. We had a discussion this morning that I needed him to help and be my voice of reason. However, I had known he was vulnerable, really stressed out from family who had visited but departed yesterday. I knew better.
I call that craving the rebellious one. It's not the whining voice about how nice wine would be it's the challenging one, goading me to just do it, even when I would have been fine without it. Had the hubs said, now come on, we are doing so well with this, let's keep on plodding along, I would have been totally cool with that. I probably wouldn't have even pushed it. But he was just lying in wait for me to crack first I think.
Well he is welcome to his wine and the one beer he picked up when getting pizza but I'm back on the alcohol free routine. While drinking I was thinking, this is just nuts, why am I doing this? I guess that's good reinforcement if I'm at that point where I'm not really enjoying it anyway.
In some ways slipping up is good because it makes me want to get going again even more so. I don't think about forever and maybe I'll slip every so often but as long as I don't go back to the way I was, I'm good with that. I was hoping that this would be my first time ever in this house without alcohol but maybe it was just too much of a trigger too soon. Hopefully next time and definitely the rest of this week.
Off to hike!!
I just came back from a good family weekend, but still a bit stressful.
ReplyDeleteFamily can be stressful.
What helps me is realizing I have no control over other people.
Big hugs!
Hope your hike was fun!
xo
Wendy
It was such a stupid trigger but I still feel like I am making progress toward giving up alcohol. Hike was great!
DeleteVacations are SO hard in the early days! The good news is that you are so very in tuned with how you feel about it and you recognize that your husband was vulnerable too, which makes it even harder! In my opinion, any progress is good and you are right about slipping up going forward (which I know a lot of people might disagree with). But, it does provide that little reminder of why you are eventually wanting to quit for good at each slip and I think it reinforces that resolve to be AF long term :) .
ReplyDelete