June 9 - testing day

Tonight will be a big test for me but I think I can make it.

I woke up, had tea and scoured the blogs for new ones to read.  I'm amazed at how many I follow where there are no recent entries.  Some have disappeared, some just write more infrequent.

Fortunately, one blogger posted out of the blue - amen - which led me to some new blogs.  I ate them up like I was eating chocolate.

Yesterday was a shit day of eating bad and not exercising, although I did do house cleaning for awhile.  But no alcohol and a good nights sleep.

Tonight I'm going to really try to work through the anticipated cravings.  I have lots of bubble water on hand and we discovered that the FRE Brut, if you dilute it with club soda or bubble water and add a squirt of lime is actually quite tasty.  I was worried that it had sugar added but it's really actually wine with alcohol removed.  So 8 oz has 1/2 the calories of a 4 oz glass of wine.  I'm really going to embrace this for cocktail hour tonight and, well, burp a lot.   Lots of carbonation...

Hubs and I got into a bit of a row yesterday.  I can be controlling in some ways.  He is struggling with getting a new career going and, of course, I had to give my input because, of course, he isn't handling things the way I would.  Oops.  And I did it at the wrong moment.  The problem is I think we're having a discussion and then he explodes like a volcano. Oh, not really, doesn't yell or get violent, just starts talking over me and then going through history, then cursing and storming away.  I can't say as I really blame him.  But we had a good talk afterwards that when I do that, and I shouldn't, but I'm sure it will happen again sometime, if he could just stop and take control of the conversation, we'd probably nip an argument in the bud.  If he could take a deep breath before he blows and ask himself why I am doing this, what fear am I feeling, and maybe reassure me instead, then an argument might be averted.

Because of course I'm hitting his ego.  So here I think, because he is receptive to listening to me, that we are having a "discussion" which is really me giving my opinion.  But then I don't realize his own emotions are building up and all of  a sudden, holy shit, he vomits words in a torrent and is clearly pissed.  And rightly so I must say.  So I have things to work on but "handling" how we argue is also something he can contribute to.  He was actually super receptive to my saying all that and he did mega chores on his own all day without me begging him.  :-)  So sometimes arguments CAN be productive....

We tried to do a dry May.  He was game.  But I sensed he waited every day to see if I would ask him to make a wine run.  (We had gotten in to the habit of only buying 2 bottles per run.  Not the most cost effective but it made sure that he had just one red and I had just one white and we didn't go further.  But the jogging to the store daily was getting out of hand and started to drive him crazy too.)  So in May we went dry for awhile and then I would ask for wine and he would dash out the door before I could change my mind.  What a pair of us.  I began to notice, though, that he only went to get wine when I asked.  He is so competitive that if "I" wanted us to have wine then he would go get it but no way was "he" going to cave. 

So I'm using this to my advantage in June.  Under no circumstances will I ask him to go get wine.  If i really want it I'll have to go get it.  Given my lazy ass nature, it should nip some situations in the bud as long as I don't stock up when I do go to the grocery store.  So for now I'm avoiding the store altogether.  He has time to do grocery shopping and a lot of the cooking so we'll just let that play out as I try to get through June.

Here's to reporting in tomorrow that I didn't drink tonight!!!

HD