June 30

The end of June.  Hmmm....

Didn't make it 30 days without having wine.  Didn't blog everyday either.

Still didn't drink 20 of those days, though, which is a huge improvement since I started really reducing again in May.  But could have done better.

Sort of punted on vacation.  Thought I might be able to resist but then I didn't.  I feel a little guilty for indulging but I guess that's to be expected.  The good news is that I am not in a state of self loathing.

I know it would be easier to give it all up but for now I'm content with managing the fight.

And I had an awesome time on vacation.  We were gone 6 days, 2 of which were travel days.  In the remaining 4 days I cantered a horse, fished, hiked and kayaked.  I now need a vacation from my vacation.  I did have wine though.  But I was up cheery and clear headed everyday at 6am, ready for that days adventure.  I loved the time the hubs and I got alone.  The last time the hubs and I were able to take a truly alone vacation was back in 2016 when I wasn't drinking. Surprisingly both were fun.  Alcohol really isn't necessary.

But I'm still fat and still drinking more than healthy, or considered normal, when I do drink.  I admit, it felt fun to let go without letting go too much.  But now, getting back in the saddle will be tough again.  It always is.

I suppose I'll keep plodding along until I get tired of this, as others have.

I'm a little stressed at having to go get an MRI after my mammogram.  But I've been in this rodeo before.....mammo, MRI, ultrasound....come back in 6 months, do it again.  Lumps and bumps.  At least they are monitoring for changes and have baselines but it's always a bit nerve wracking.  Not exactly a great excuse for imbibing this past week, but it's my excuse.  I own it.