June 20

Last night we were back in the groove. Normal, alcohol free drinking.  Hubs made a nice steak and vegetable dinner and we caught up on our TV show.

In the past, the conversations within myself have dared me to just go get a bottle, just have a few glasses.

Nowadays the voice inside me still says the same thing, I think it always will, but my other voice is louder saying that I really don't want that.

I would love to mellow out with wine but unless I'm on guard (translate that to away from home), it's too much of a battle.  It's easier to say I just won't drink at home.

Tonight I'm all alone in the house for the evening.  Previously I would have uncorked a bottle of wine and sat down to call whatever friend I could to catch up with.  Too many times I realized the next day that I didn't remember most of the last half of the conversation and felt stupid about what I should and should not ask about next time.

I don't really feel like calling anyone tonight but the thought of wine is more fleeting.  Like a passing thought of "wouldn't it be nice" followed by "but I can't."

Of course I CAN, but I know that would mean I would pour one glass and feel all adult.  So I'd just pour one more.  Then I'd say oh heck what's one more?  Then there would go the bottle. I'd have a nice buzz but horrible sleep, a puffy face, and I'd be cranky the next day.  Easier just to skip it.

Every day I get up ready to tackle the day in a good mood reinforces not drinking too much or even better, not drinking at all.

Had my annual physical visit with doctor today who, of course, told me I'm doing great.  Little did he know.....sigh....    Funny thing about the cholesterol.  While a little high on the LDL side, he said he didn't think I should go on a statin medication.  Duh.  But he recommended red yeast rice pills.  I did some research and it's a little scary.  If you get the ones that are legal then it doesn't have much of the statin like chemical in it anyway.  If you get the ones that are illegal then there are a whole host of other crap you can face.  Just thought it odd that a doctor would actually recommend that stuff given the potential for what could go wrong for someone.  I told him thanks but I thought I would just try to lose 30 pounds by next year and we'll re-evaluate!