June 8

I feel blah today.  Lots of little things adding up but nothing major.

Biggest frustration is my weight.  Last year I went through a period of hot flashes and when they ended I remember my body chunked on weight like it was going out of style.  I was able to make some diet changes and the weight easily came back off in the fall.  But I didn't sustain it and then incorporated the empty alcohol calories again.

This year the hot flashes stopped around Memorial Day after 5 months.  Coinciding with just having started working out.  I think my body is doing the same thing so I am adding fat and muscle.  I know this will stabilize and will turn the other direction, I just need to have patience, but it's frustrating to feel so big when everything else feels so good.

I am eating better although not great but the diet change isn't going fast enough to counter the weight gain and bloat.  Breathe in, breathe out I tell myself.  Baby steps.

It's okay if I get a little bigger before starting to lose weight.  I am sleeping better, not drinking, exercising more than in the last 6 months and making small dietary changes.  It will happen.  Or so I keep telling myself.

But today, I think I am reigning in on the diet a bit more or else I fear my depression over body image will lead me back to wanting to tune out in the evenings with alcohol.

My son wants to go to the gym later today so hopefully we make it there!!