Last night was another protected evening by a sporting event but summer league is over and son is about to embark on vacation leaving hubs and I home alone. Fingers crossed.
I didn't work out today which made me bummed out with myself but I did clean a portion of the house from top to bottom, so I was still moving I guess. Anyway, I feel accomplished on the home front.
I made waffles, though, at my son's request and didn't exactly stay totally away from them. Oh well.
It's 5:07pm. Hubs is out with colleagues and should be home soon. About 4pm it hit me. Whammo. Craving. Big Craving. I guess because I knew that one text from me like "Hi honey, we've been so good, how about one cheat night?" and he would have stopped by the store on the way home.
I think it was because I hadn't had much of a lunch and I was exhausted from cleaning. So I thought about why I wanted wine so much. I really needed "something". So I went into the kitchen and made myself some tea. I also have a chocolate protein shake mix that with a little coconut oil, almond milk and some dairy free mini morsels, can pass as raw brownie mix that can be eaten. So I made some of that and my "sweet" need was fixed.
I'm actually now ready for hubs to arrive home and we can sit down and enjoy an alcohol free cocktail. I still have a semi craving for wine but I understand it's just the desire to relax and tune out. Times like this I wish I really could have just one large glass of white wine and be done. Oh well.
I should also say that this is the first time I have really bothered to push through a big hairy craving in quite a long time. For awhile I was trying and then I gave up. There were times when I didn't drink or didn't drink too much but a big craving always resulted in too much. I was just caving when those moments occurred. It does feel really good to have pushed through it tonight!
I have a friend who can't understand not having wine at night. She only has 1 glass, 2 when socializing, but says she can't imagine not having one at the end of the day. (And I've been around her enough to know she really is only having 1 maybe 2.) One time she came by when I wasn't drinking and said she couldn't fathom not having something. Oh to be her and have 7 glasses, maybe 10 per week. I would do that in 2.5 days. Oh well.
I have a workout in the morning and I really do enjoy them.
Tomorrow night will be easy to not drink because I have to drive son to airport on Friday and nothing worse than feeling tired in addition to the emotional goodbye. Friday night I strategically arranged dinner with folks who don't drink. That will make things easier since I'll be emotionally tired from saying goodbye to my son and tired from all the prep to get him ready to leave. Up next in the not drinking challenge will be Saturday!
There's one thing I feel is different than the last time I really tried to not drink for an extended period. Last time I wanted to see if I could do it and then I was hopeful I could go back to normal drinking. I now recognize that even if I don't quit 100% that I will drink a bottle every single time I drink at home. That helps to take the fire out of the craving. I no longer pretend it's going to be one glass and move on. So now I'm trying to identify why I'm having the craving and then nip that in the bud before ever trying a drink. Nice to see at least some change in myself!!
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