Thursday, July 13, 2017

This is for real this time

I am definitely doing the 100 days starting now.

Three nights ago I had those 2 glasses.

Two nights ago I had 2 more glasses.

Last night I'm not sure how much white wine I consumed.  Hubby didn't realize how much until I went to bed.  He didn't notice until that point, that's what is scary.  And I don't remember going to bed.

I know I drank a bottle +, I remember eating dinner and watching our tv show and then turning tv off to head to bed and then that's it.  I don't think I drank all of the 2nd bottle but for whatever reason I topped it off with water and stuck it back in the fridge.  Not even sure why.  Found it this morning. It's as if I was deluding myself in my subconscious state before I went to bed.  There is no more white in the house now.

I knew I had the evening "available" for this.  I wasn't driving and there were no kids around to embarrass myself.

But!  Earlier in the evening a sick friend's mom called me to see if I had heard from the friend.  I had not.  She didn't want me to go over yet and will let me know later today if I need to do a welfare check.  I realized, though, by then I had had 3 glasses of wine and there was no way I could drive over there if she had needed me to.  That thought was sobering in of itself.  I think after that call, I just let go.  I think I realized at that point that I need to just stop trying and it was like I embarked on a last hurrah.

If I keep drinking in the evenings. I will keep getting fat and, worse, I will set myself up for something that I WILL regret.

I'm going to do as A Better Path recommended and do this 100 days and then see what I am thinking.  Drinking will just not be an option for these next 100.  I know I can do it, just need to get my head straight on this.

I'm going to do as SamKD does and blog every day even if I don't have much to say.  I find that when I drift away from the blog, I can get swept completely away from my goals.

100 days will be so much easier than this constant head game going on in my head.

Here I go.



  1. I will be here with you.
    I know it was nights like the one you described that brought me to quit.
    Nights I might have needed to be functional and I wasn't. And I felt guilty and sad.
    I filled wine bottles with water too. Why? I was the only wine drinker.

    Denial rounds strongest with ourselves. That's where rigorous honesty becomes so absolutely freeing. I never worry what I did or said.

    Hugs and love

  2. Oh HD this is so hard! I often read your blog and wonder why you even want to stop drinking, you seem to moderate. But then you post something like this and I totally understand why.
    I think it's the 2 glasses here or there that eventually lead to a night like the one you described. The type of night where its destructive and soul destroying and not fun at all. I really want you to do 100 days and am right here to cheer you on.
    On another note I drank last night too. I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't seem to get back into the groove. I have an issue with restarting today I might email you and see what you think?

    1. Day 1 done. Heading to bed. Feel free to email anytime!!! Hugs.

    2. Just start again pdtg. There is never a good time. It will always be hard. But that's what makes it worthwhile.

  3. You got this HD!!!! You KNOW you can go 100 days without've done it before! I am here for you anytime you get a craving! I will talk you off the ledge! xo

    1. Thanks! May need that down the road!

  4. You can do it. We are all here with you. :)

  5. One day at a time...You can do it!

  6. 100 days will make a lifetime of changes. It will be amazing! I look forward to seeing you "bloom." ❤️

    1. The problem is that I didn't feel as good as I thought I would after 125 days last year. I'm hoping this year I get to a better point!!

    2. Perhaps this time try some different things. Consider what you were missing. Were you lonely? Bored? Maybe you need to try to meet sober people? Find a hobby? Go to therapy?

      Eliminating alcohol is step one. It allows our eyes to open. But we still need to choose to see.


    3. Yeh, I think it will be harder initially this time but then easier once I get there after doing a lot of work over this last year.

  7. Hi Habit!
    I am here waving my support!
    Yes, I filled bottles with water, too, or topped them off.
    I had a few nights of not remembering the next day who I had called.
    One time it was a parent. Not good.
    In any case, as I got older, the wine affected me faster, and it didn't take very much to make things worse.
    You got good advice from Anne, shake things up, trying something new.
    I know volunteering helped me a lot.
    Big Hugs!

    1. Thanks for your support as well, Wendy!