My Lists

Thursday, July 13, 2017

This is for real this time

I am definitely doing the 100 days starting now.

Three nights ago I had those 2 glasses.

Two nights ago I had 2 more glasses.

Last night I'm not sure how much white wine I consumed.  Hubby didn't realize how much until I went to bed.  He didn't notice until that point, that's what is scary.  And I don't remember going to bed.

I know I drank a bottle +, I remember eating dinner and watching our tv show and then turning tv off to head to bed and then that's it.  I don't think I drank all of the 2nd bottle but for whatever reason I topped it off with water and stuck it back in the fridge.  Not even sure why.  Found it this morning. It's as if I was deluding myself in my subconscious state before I went to bed.  There is no more white in the house now.

I knew I had the evening "available" for this.  I wasn't driving and there were no kids around to embarrass myself.

But!  Earlier in the evening a sick friend's mom called me to see if I had heard from the friend.  I had not.  She didn't want me to go over yet and will let me know later today if I need to do a welfare check.  I realized, though, by then I had had 3 glasses of wine and there was no way I could drive over there if she had needed me to.  That thought was sobering in of itself.  I think after that call, I just let go.  I think I realized at that point that I need to just stop trying and it was like I embarked on a last hurrah.

If I keep drinking in the evenings. I will keep getting fat and, worse, I will set myself up for something that I WILL regret.

I'm going to do as A Better Path recommended and do this 100 days and then see what I am thinking.  Drinking will just not be an option for these next 100.  I know I can do it, just need to get my head straight on this.

I'm going to do as SamKD does and blog every day even if I don't have much to say.  I find that when I drift away from the blog, I can get swept completely away from my goals.

100 days will be so much easier than this constant head game going on in my head.

Here I go.

HD

18 comments:

  1. I will be here with you.
    I know it was nights like the one you described that brought me to quit.
    Nights I might have needed to be functional and I wasn't. And I felt guilty and sad.
    I filled wine bottles with water too. Why? I was the only wine drinker.

    Denial rounds strongest with ourselves. That's where rigorous honesty becomes so absolutely freeing. I never worry what I did or said.

    Hugs and love
    Anne

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh HD this is so hard! I often read your blog and wonder why you even want to stop drinking, you seem to moderate. But then you post something like this and I totally understand why.
    I think it's the 2 glasses here or there that eventually lead to a night like the one you described. The type of night where its destructive and soul destroying and not fun at all. I really want you to do 100 days and am right here to cheer you on.
    On another note I drank last night too. I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't seem to get back into the groove. I have an issue with restarting today I might email you and see what you think?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Day 1 done. Heading to bed. Feel free to email anytime!!! Hugs.

      Delete
    2. Just start again pdtg. There is never a good time. It will always be hard. But that's what makes it worthwhile.

      Delete
  3. You got this HD!!!! You KNOW you can go 100 days without drinking...you've done it before! I am here for you anytime you get a craving! I will talk you off the ledge! xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! May need that down the road!

      Delete
  4. You can do it. We are all here with you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. One day at a time...You can do it!

    ReplyDelete
  6. 100 days will make a lifetime of changes. It will be amazing! I look forward to seeing you "bloom." ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The problem is that I didn't feel as good as I thought I would after 125 days last year. I'm hoping this year I get to a better point!!

      Delete
    2. Perhaps this time try some different things. Consider what you were missing. Were you lonely? Bored? Maybe you need to try to meet sober people? Find a hobby? Go to therapy?

      Eliminating alcohol is step one. It allows our eyes to open. But we still need to choose to see.

      Hugs.
      Anne

      Delete
    3. Yeh, I think it will be harder initially this time but then easier once I get there after doing a lot of work over this last year.

      Delete
  7. Hi Habit!
    I am here waving my support!
    Yes, I filled bottles with water, too, or topped them off.
    I had a few nights of not remembering the next day who I had called.
    One time it was a parent. Not good.
    In any case, as I got older, the wine affected me faster, and it didn't take very much to make things worse.
    You got good advice from Anne, shake things up, trying something new.
    I know volunteering helped me a lot.
    Big Hugs!
    xo
    Wendy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your support as well, Wendy!

      Delete