Friday, July 28, 2017

The big Duh!

Oh my...normally I think of myself as a bright person but I realized something today and now feel really, really stupid....

When I was drinking everyday about a year and a half ago, at least a bottle + per night most nights, I didn't seem to have any weight issues.

Then, when I quit, I added in chocolate and cookies.

Then, I started drinking again, then I quit, then I started, then I quit, etc.

This yo-yo drinking/quitting has been very hard on my body, in regard to weight management - even though of course more AF days is much healthier for other reasons.

Add to this peri-menopause or menopause or whatever started happening this year and then I really started putting on weight.  10-15 lbs in last 6 months.

My overall goal when I originally quit drinking last year was to take a break and change my habit.

So lately, I've been really proud of myself in one way.  I am no longer blacking out, losing a lot of sleep, acting off in front of family......but I can still put away a bottle of wine when I allow myself to.

I've been experimenting over the last week.  I apologize for not tracking.  I have had wine every night because family has been in town but each night I have happily made dinner, socialized after dinner, gone to bed remembering everything and nobody would have thought I drank too much.  I guess in their mind 3 to 4 glasses isn't a big deal.

I'm only beating myself up because I can't seem to stick with zero.  But hey, I said to myself, this is still much improved......until it dawned on me why I am all of sudden "handling" my alcohol better.

Because....I......have.....gained.....weight.  Ummm, duh.  (To any of you who were thinking "well, umm, yeh, fatass.....)

So there you have it, gain 10 to 15 lbs and you can drink more.  Yikes, oh, Yikes!  My habit really hasn't diminished.  My attitude hasn't fixed anything.  I'm just drinking the SAME amount as I used to that at a lighter weight affected me more.

I could cry.  I am such a dork.  If I lost the 10 lbs and kept drinking I would probably start feeling it sooner.

On a positive note (I'm a glass half full girl......of course having a glass half full is my issue but anyway..) I don't seem to be trying to drink more than I used to just because it's taking longer to affect me.

Oh well, experiment over.  Time to focus on overall diet and health again.  Just have to get motivated.  I will, just give me time.....


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