Friday, July 7, 2017


Somehow, I will get through this evening.

Somehow, I will not ask my hubby to go get white wine.

Somehow, I will make it through the craving, it's 4:39 right now. badly!  (or is it really bad? grammar stinks)


Okay, I'm back.  5pm.

1) I told my hubby I wanted white wine soooo bad. He looked at me as if not sure what to do.  I said "but I'm not going to have any."  There, I said it out loud.

2) Then we talked about why.  Why I didn't want it (weight, health) and Why I did want it. He said go eat some chocolate.  I said I'm fat but I already ate some anyway.  :-(  And, I said, he was missing my point.  I just wanted to know WHY I wanted the wine and WHY just white wine?  I didn't want red.  I wasn't craving beer and wasn't craving hard liquor....WHY, WHY did I want Chardonnay?

I wasn't feeling really stressed.  I feel pretty happy (other than fat) and don't feel bummed about anything in particular.  I process out loud, nothing bottled up in this ole head.

His answer was that I wanted the rush.  Oh please, I said, that makes me sound like a junkie.  But I think he's right.

I wanted that mellow feeling, that immediate numbing.

2) So I left the room and went and ate some chips and salsa and we talked more over that bowl in the kitchen.

3) Now I'm back and I'm dying for an O'douls...AF beer.  Lol, I can't wait to sit on the sofa for our cocktail hour with my near beers.  My tastebuds have done a complete shift.  After the spice of the salsa I want the taste of beer, alcohol or no alcohol doesn't bother me either way.

Note to self: forget chocolate......go buy more tortilla chips and spicy salsa for future evenings.....I may be on to something here......

I think I made it.  Day 8, done!



  1. That's great you made it. Nights like this are so hard! I'm the same as you, it's not any alcohol I want its just wine. If wine didn't exist I probably wouldn't ever have been a drinker. I'm glad you're still here!

    1. I know, it's so strange to like one particular type of alcohol so much.

  2. It gets much easier after those first few days, but that lizard brain pull is so strong. I think because the craving comes from a part of the brain that thinks only of survival, it defies explanation. I know that feeling well. But I channeled that feeling into craving sweets. And giving up sweets is a whole lot easier than giving up alcohol. Plus -- no driving while high on sugar risk.
    Hang in there. ❤️

    1. After dinner we watched our tv show to which we are addicted and then I said "let's run get ice cream". I never eat ice cream. Ran down the street and we each got cones, amen for chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. I drove because hubby had had some wine. It struck me that maybe the reason we never went for ice cream was because normally by that time of night I had 2 or 3 or 4 glasses of wine in me and wouldn't want to risk driving. Not that I want to make a habit of this ice cream thang, boy did it taste yummy, but it was interesting to realize how good it felt to be able to go do it!

  3. Replies
    1. Thanks. Tonight was easy but I need to remember I can pull through nights like last night!

  4. Damn, I know that feeling so well, that rush, that initial lull in my brain as the wine hits my blood stream, oh is it hard to ignore. If only it stopped there, but it rarely does, as I want more of that feeling and so I drink more, and more, and, well...I wish it wasn't the case for me, but it is, dang!

    1. What I haven't put my finger on is why sometimes I control it and other times I don't. I'm trying to really focus on that.