Pondering Life

I guess it's a function of turning 50 this fall that has me uber in touch with aging.

Suddenly I'm panicked on what I'll be like in old age, what I'll do.  Do I have enough money saved?  Where will I live?  Will the hubs live long? Will I?

Goodness, thoughts can get depressing if you let them.  With an aging grandparent, I'm getting a taste of elder care.  She selected a senior living situation but doesn't seem incredibly happy.  Watching someone you love start to lose their enthusiasm for life is tough.  My folks aren't there yet but will be someday..... and it has hit me that I'll be the one to deal with that.

Geez, I'm just finally growing up myself, learning to be independent and then in the not too far future I'll probably be taking care of them.  I guess I was never really in touch with that before now.

There's a line from a Jimmy Buffet song I love:

It goes like: " Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all of the way"

I guess I feel fairly at peace as I coast into the second half of my life.  (we have longevity in my family so it's not beyond the realm that 50 could actually be the half way point. )

I'm still growing through the use of alcohol but I've grown up, emotionally, in so many other ways, especially these last 10 years.  Unfortunately or fortunately depending upon your view, I've lost a little naivete, but that's okay.  Wow, wish I had done this growing in my 20s instead of numbing with wine.

I'm trying to turn more of my life over to a higher power, to relax, to roll with it, to cruise.....and enjoy the ride instead of stressing about the individual roads I take.

Peace, zen, happy friday, have a wonderful weekend and I roll into Day 20 tomorrow!  Off to get my AF Beer for the evening.  (no real cravings tonight but it's amazing what 4 oreo cookies can do - ooops)

HD