3 long years

It really hit me today as other bloggers have been celebrating 3 years of late.  I could have been there with them.  I know, I know, and they would agree, that many of them began trying to really quit long before I gave it my all in 2016.  This is a process.

But I sit here this morning, 3 years after starting in 2016, drinking my tea and blogging as I did back then, and re-reading my old blog posts.  I started April 24, 2016 and went 125 days.  I don't think I've done 30 days since.  Best I can tell I got to 20 days last June and then caved.

So 16 days in April and now I'm back at 13 days.  I haven't had alcohol 28 days out of the last 33.  Well, that's good, I guess.  This time I am determined to get to 30 and then I'll figure out another goal.

What I am noticing is that those 16 days were relatively easy.  The first 5 days have traditionally gone very fast.  Then we had family visit who didn't drink so that was pretty easy too.  Then we went on vacation and I blew it.

This time, the quitting has been really tough.  But having Lia to call upon has helped a lot.  I've wanted to drink, and I know I can.  But I would have to let her know.  I would feel like I was letting her down.  Neither of us wants to let the other down.  Having a sober buddy has been awesome.  It was a sober buddy that got me through in 2016.

Since drinking isn't an option or I embarrass myself by letting Lia know, other things have worked.

1) Distracting myself with work stuff on my computer
2) Downing a few AF beers
3) Downing some AF Brut
4) Eating a few sweets and making tea
5) Eating chips/salsa or pita/hummus
6) Screaming in my car - amazingly effective

The good news is that I'm getting through cravings.  I'm seeing that they really only last 20min to an hour.  Once I'm through it, I'm good.  My brain is wired to drink between 5pm and 7pm.  If I don't start during those hours, I'm okay.  I don't want to start at 7pm as it seems too late.  (I'm an early to bed person.)  If I eat something around 4 or 5, I do much better.

I'm a bit grumpy at the beginning of the craving, during the debating period, but once I resign myself to not drinking it's amazing how my mood turns around and then tension leaves my body.

I had intended to tackle things about myself these 30 days and I'm making some progress but I haven't devoted enough time to that.  I had a computer crash, though, which was stressful until I got it up and running so I'll give myself a reprieve on the self help stuff.  Maybe I'll have more time next week.

I did go see the therapist yesterday.  She was awesome as usual.  I always walk out of there with clarity and feeling zen.  Discussed things with the hubs, he was actually really wonderful about it all.  We had a wonderful evening not drinking and actually, get this, watching Outlander.  Total chick stuff.  He actually had tears in his eyes at one part.  So sweet.  If he only knew how attractive it is to me to see his feelings show.  It was easy to get romantic after that.   Something that has been eluding me lately.  Merry B. Sober recommended a good book in that regard that I ordered, it arrived, and I am going to start reading.

 And it was lovely to go pick up son at 10pm without having had any wine!  Normally I would have hubs drive.   But, oh my, when you drive at 10pm on a Friday night do you ever notice all the drunks on the road.  Not totally drunk, but it's clear some drivers are buzzed. Between alcohol and marijuana being legal, I'm scared to death to drive on roads late at night, especially in this city.  I try to avoid it.

Off to Pilates today!

HD