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Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Day 11: New Addiction

I am becoming addicted to my mocktail.  Last night I had two large glasses while talking to a friend on the phone and I remember the whole conversation, go figure!  I even had that sense of urgency to go pour another glass, just like I would have done with the bottle of wine only this time the bottle of wine on the counter was AF wine.

I really enjoy drinking this concoction.  I have a lot of the feelings that I normally associate with drinking.....peaceful, relaxed feeling, taste is just bitter enough to feel like a drink even if not quite buttery like Chardonnay....an overall sense of well being....with none of the negatives. (Well, okay AF wine and the digestive system have some challenges for me but I'm trying to balance what portions work best!)

The interesting thing is that I get full and don't feel a pull for more.  My thoughts don't start getting all random.  I'm done at a point from the winding down and can move on with my evening.  I remember what I did before bedtime!  I might wake up in middle of the night (damn dogs) but I can get right back to sleep!

Clearly, I am still using the "cocktail hour" process as a coping mechanism.  I remember doing this last time.  Because I do this, I think this is why I can't swap and ever go back to alcohol for this specific purpose.

I've never seemed to really have problems going out for dinner and having one, maybe two glasses and stopping for the evening.  I don't tend to drink too much in front of anyone other than immediate family.  

Part of this journey is defining what works for me.  Can I still have some wine without going back to it nightly?  I don't know. For now it's off the table again for awhile.

On the one hand I can see an argument to be made for not doing this.  That it's dangerous to keep the spirit of drinking, the routine, alive, even if with a non-alcoholic drink.  

On the other hand, I don't feel deprived.  I don't feel like I'm missing out.  I love sitting down and relaxing and chatting in the evenings.  I can't imagine just sitting there and doing that without some drink in hand, even water. I'm able to say I don't have the downsides of the ritual of drinking impacting me right now.

Don't get me wrong.  I still crave sucking down a glass of Chardonnay.  I'm trying to investigate why I specifically feel that way.  I think it's just that while I relax with a mocktail, I don't totally let go of my thoughts - the temptation to numb out through Chardonnay is still there.

HD

8 comments:

  1. Forget the argument about not doing this!! You have to do what works for YOU! If that's what's getting you thru, then all the power to it! I have used AF beer to help me out...and I was never a beer drinker. My reasoning was that if I tried AF red wine that it might make me crave "the real deal" as red wine was my drink of choice! That being said..that is what worked for me...you've got to find our own thing! xo

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    1. My AF beer has 70 calories and the AF wine I pour has 30 so I feel like I'm on a diet with my diet wine, lol!

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  2. I have noticed the same feeling of relaxations with my replacement drink too. Goes to show its not necessarily the alcohol. I pour my drink now and feel better before I even take a sip. I think I used to do this with wine too. I would do what works if I was you. I would drink AF wine, but I don't like the taste. I wish it tasted more like the real thing. I have never seen the AF beer I rad about. I don't think we have that here as I have looked many times. Keep doing what your doing, its better than alcohol.

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    1. Yes, I think it's the ritual more than anything but then add the "drug" of alcohol and it's just hard to stop.

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  3. I had to gulp sugar for an entire year to get over the drinking habit. Desserts became my go to stress reliever, and I'm OK with that. I agree -- whatever works is fantastic. I am now pretty much sugar free, but it served its purpose when I needed to transition from the alcohol.

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    1. Ahhh, I aspire to have less sugar in my life.....someday!

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  4. I drink AF beer and champagne once in awhile.
    The only bad thing is they are gassy.
    I can't drink AF red wine, as it tastes too close to the real thing, and that was my favorite drink.
    You have to do what works for you!
    xo
    wendy

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