Viewing through different lenses

When I was little I used to love those little viewfinder toys where I could look through the world in different colors.  Sometimes I could make the world blue or rose colored.  I love kaleidoscopes for the same reason.  Depending upon the light in the background, the designs look different.

So much of our life depends upon what lens we are viewing things from.  We have the power to change out our lens but that isn't always obvious.  We get stuck viewing the world through foggy, chipped and maybe even broken lenses......why don't we just buy new glasses?  Easier said than done.

Yesterday I was emailing a gentleman about a sports program for my son.  He had posted a flyer, along with an early bird registration fee and a normal registration fee.  But they hadn't yet posted the actual dates/times/locations of the clinics and the early bird timeframe ran out in two days.

I decided to email the coach and mention that I had my son in another league as well and wanted to be sure it wouldn't conflict.  Could I back out later once the schedule was out and still get the early bird rate now?  (For a $25 difference I probably shouldn't have bothered but I was not really thinking this through, so I emailed my question.)

The response I got back was "we wish your son the best."  Huh?  What?  What did that mean?  Did I piss off the coach somehow by asking?  Did I screw up my chances for my son playing someday in this better league?  (I didn't think this better league had teams until later in the year so I was just going to have son take adavantage of the clinics and play in the lesser league for a few months, waiting until the better league organized for the winter.)

Oh, I agonized for a few minutes.  Felt stupid.  Bad mom.  Kicked myself.  Then I decided to pick up the phone and call the coach.  He answered and I started with "Coach, I am so sorry, this is ....and I have been emailing with you....Did I offend you in some way?  I totally didn't mean to."

Short ending version:  He hadn't read my email thoroughly to understand my question and thought it great that my son was doing the other league for now.  Turns out that the clinics I thought were the once a week clinics I had seen in the past, don't actually start until October.  These were more for kids who have been involved in the program for awhile and whom they are organizing into travel teams, so they want to see how they do.  These clinics are 3 times a week and not appropriate for my 8th grader.  Coach was wonderful, looking forward to having my son at the other clinics in the fall and just told me to sit tight until that flyer came out.  Then, after he does those clinics, he can become a part of the team for the Jan - May season.  Phew.

My point is that if I hadn't "attempted to change my lens" by picking up the phone to essentially validate or invalidate the lens through which I was looking...I wouldn't have known.

I saw this happen a lot in the corporate world.  I think it's more prevalent with email because it's hard to determine tone.  We can all get our panties in a wad and develop a pre-conceived notion of what someone meant.  We can then respond, if we aren't careful, in a way that may put that other person's panties in a wad!

I use this lens metaphor in my thoughts on drinking as well.  When I first quit drinking I viewed drinking through the lens of "it is a relaxing thing, it makes me feel good, oh goodness I am depriving myself".   Once I had a month or so under my belt I had changed my lens to "I don't want to drink because it makes me feel bad, I feel so much better now"  even if I still had some cravings.

At this point, at day 125, my thought is "I may drink again someday but not until I view drinking completely different, through a new lens."  I can't drink until I have that lens in place.  That lens would be one that allows me to acknowledge the relaxation that may occur with glass or two of wine per night.  It would view drinking as not in my best interest if I have more than two glasses and that I would need to still have some nights with no drinking.  This lens will not allow me to view drinking as a form of complete escape and numbing.

I honestly don't know if I can ever get there.  Time will tell.  I really wanted a glass of wine last night with family here but deep down I am not ready.  So I said I would re-evaluate after dinner and then once I had a full belly, the desire had passed.

This whole thought process of a lens came to me via a conversation I had yesterday about my inability to work out.  As I have said, when I am actually doing it, I like it.  It's the "doing" it that I have issue with.  My starter is broken.

Haha, with drinking my "off" switch is broken, with exercise my "on" switch is broken.

I realized that I have a lot of hang ups about exercise that come from my past.  So, duh, if I don't feel adequate about exercise and who I am as a person in regard to it, then no wonder I don't want to do it.  My lens through which I view exercise needs to be changed.  

So I'm going to spend time exploring and working to change the lens through which I view exercise and then also how I view the life I am in.   I know from a logical standpoint that I have worked hard and I have nice life.

I just need to find a way to change the lens through which I view myself.