Processing Out Loud

I am the type of person that needs to do what I call "processing out loud".  In order to get my emotional thoughts in order, to think through and analyze what is going on in my head, I need to talk about it.  I need to get the thoughts outside my body.  Then, having heard them or written them, I can put them in a semblance of order and make a plan for next steps....or at least stop ruminating about them.  Warning, this can drive others bat shit crazy....

I tend to want to "chat" with the hubby, especially in the evenings...and, in the past, it was especially over wine.  I don't really want his advice, nor for him to "fix" me.  That is what, of course, as a man, he tries to do quite often....fix me, that is.  He has gotten much better about reining that in and being just more empathetic.  He lets me spew my thoughts like a garden hose until I come to the final phase of my thinking.  But even he has his limits....

If you haven't seen this youtube video about this topic, you must.  It's hilarious! Trust, me it's worth the watch and will make you laugh if you happen to process out loud like I do.   THE NAIL

When you watch that video, you have to picture me sitting there, talking like that, but with wine in hand.

I also have a close relative whom I speak with almost daily.  She is an awesome listener and just lets me do my emotional processing out loud without judgement.  It's a lifesaver for a person like me.

Blogging does the same thing.  While it's great to get comments and I love the new found "virtual" friendships and support, it really is just providing me another outlet for expressing my thoughts, processing and ordering them, albeit in writing instead of out loud.

Once I have expressed my thoughts to others or in writing, I feel cleansed.  I no longer obsess over those thoughts and I have a clear head.  For me, alcohol actually helped that process.

The danger with the alcohol was that I truly would "dump" on others.  My hubby is a great supporter but after 30 min of this, he's pretty wiped. He does NOT express his thoughts out loud, so a barrage of random thoughts makes him want to drink to deal with it.  I think he drinks less now in part because he doesn't have to put up with as much from me.  He would get frustrated and I would react to his frustration.

I still express my thoughts out loud, just more concisely in an organized format as opposed to the diarrhea of the mouth concert to which he was a captive audience!

In the first few days of not drinking I was unhappy.  I realized it was because I clammed up and was no longer expressing myself except for this blog.  Once I got through the initial cravings I began to express myself again but without alcohol.

Now, everyone, myself included is much happier.  My hubby has a shorter time period during which to listen to me do this, and bless his heart, he is still happy to play the supportive role.  I'm not imposing upon him as much and I'm learning to give him space.  He is a polar opposite as to how he deals with things.  He needs to sit with his emotions, by himself, hiking, fishing, etc.

I'm happier because I am still expressing myself but, because the onslaught of sharing is shorter, I'm not getting as much of the frustrated reaction from him.  It takes everything he has to listen to me and not try to "fix" my problem, to not try and pull the "nail" from my head......

Curious as to whether other bloggers deal with their emotions in this way and whether that is a similarity among us all.  Maybe, maybe not.

HD