My Lists

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Gut reactions

Here on vacation, I am really noticing that many of my gut reactions are still based on the premise that I drink.....

1) Situation:  Family member asked if I wanted to go for a run in the morning.
Gut Response:  Immediately I thought to myself....."will I be able to or will I feel well enough?"   
Assessment: duh, I'm not drinking, I will feel fine!

2) Situation: Family wanted to go out for the evening.
Gut Response:  I wonder who will be the designated driver?
Assessment: duh, ME, I'm the one who isn't drinking!

3) Situation: Client issue and client suggested I call back at 8pm my time.
Gut Response:  I wondered if that would be wise as I might have too much wine in me.
Assessment: duh, I'm not drinking....calling back after dinner will not be a problem.

I realize that so much of my life was planned around drinking.  Whether I could be functional later in the evening, wondering how I would get home, and wondering how I would feel in the morning drove so much of what I did and how I acted.

I must have missed out on so many beautiful mornings.  I would never contemplate an early morning run before (okay, I really never contemplated a run, period). 

I would avoid going out in the evening because I knew I would drink too much to drive.  It was easier to stay at home.

I would avoid finishing up some work issues in the evening because I might make mistakes or sound incoherent on the phone.

This non drinking is very habit changing in many more ways than just not drinking.  I am having to entirely relearn how to respond, in my mind, to various situations!

HD

21 comments:

  1. Me too! I keep doing the same thing. Realising it's not an issue as we are no longer drinking is such a relief isn't it? :)

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  2. I was the same. And I missed out on many many beautiful mornings. Sadly, I am still not a morning person! I'm glad you're having a wonderful vacation! A x

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    1. Thanks! Last night the not drinking wasn't even an issue. Had AF Brut and it actually wasn't too bad!

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  3. So many different situations to re-learn but all for the better. It's good to take a moment to really appriciate how much more you can do now. We have a 40th house party to go to on Saturaday and my first thought was how were we all going to get home from there?!?! (as its quite far out) then I remembered that I could just drive us home lol.

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    1. I'm looking forward to venturing out and being the designated driver with a bunch of drunks in the car...as long as they don't puke!

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  4. I still have those! Sometimes they make me sad but mostly they make me happy! I am looking for the day when I don't think about my sobriety. That it just is. xo

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    1. Me too. But then again I like reading all these blogs and checking in with others....I think I would have to give this all up to really put it out of my mind.

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  5. Well done, HD!
    There is a beautiful world out there without having to drink it away!
    Right now I am sitting in the sun, reading blogs, with my coffee and so very happy I am not drinking today.
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. Me too...checking blogs, watching the ocean, at sunset with AF Brut, lol. Very happy and content here too!

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  6. I do this too. I didn't go to the shop the other night because it was 8 o'clock and it took me until the next morning to go DUH!!! I hadn't had a drink. So silly

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    1. I now like going to the grocery store in evening after work...before I would rush home to my vino so I couldn't go!

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  7. I know what you mean, particularly about the driving. But like you I can't see myself ever going for an early morning run unless I'm being chased out of my own house!

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    1. Haha yes...my sis in law chased me out this morning...first time I think I have run in 10 years...scary!

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  8. Great post. I think we self sabotaged so much when drinking it's almost like "a run will make me feel good but I'm not worth feeling good so I may as well drink and sleep in and feel bad..." I'm planning a small joglet tomorrow inspired by you, and I know it'll make me feel good and my AF body deserves it! Xx

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    1. Ok, then I will go again tomorrow since I didn't pass out today and because you are going!

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  9. I really like and identify with it. Weird that alcohol slowly built all these restrictions around us without us noticing! X

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  10. I am amazed at how the drinking reactions have stayed in my dreams. No matter what the situation, I am usually wandering around looking for a drink. I am even incoherent (and sometimes staggering) in my dreams! It's starting to fade, finally, but I'm right there with you -- my first reaction always involved alcohol. What an immersing liquid it is!

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  11. HD! I completely relate. It's like re-learning how to live. :)<3

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  12. The part about calling the client back made me laugh! It's happened to me so many times since being sober. Sometimes I call coworkers after hours to chat just because I know I can now! Great observations here on how things have changed for you!

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