Day 40 Tolerance....

As I sit here on Day 40, I am contemplating my upcoming vacation for which I leave tomorrow.....aka procrastinating the packing....I hate to pack!

Anyway.....I was originally so worried about how I would deal with  "the family."  I was concerned that they would make me drink!

They are all great and I love them dearly but sometimes certain members can be very judgmental.  As someone said..."you can't choose your family but thank goodness you can choose your friends!"

I don't mind if someone gossips a little and says "she was acting crazy" or whatever.  I may not agree but that's their opinion..... but when they say "she's just nuts" I get hugely defensive....if you can see the difference.

I hate it, as in HATE IT, when someone judges someone else as a whole person and not just their action.  I'm not even certain where this comes from inside of me, but it really grates on me.

Generalities and lumping people into one category as a negative or a form of criticism, also bother me.  I get this huge need to defend the underdog.

Certain members of my family cannot speak without doing the above...constantly.  Hence, the need to drink when I'm normally around them.  If I didn't drink and numb myself, I would react and lash out at the offenders.  That bodes no well, zero, zip, in a family situation.

I know I must accept them for who they are.  We don't have to agree, but sometimes, it's also important to not disagree.  That is very HARD for me to do.

I was very worried about this upcoming vacation as to how I would not blow a gasket at the above behaviors when they came out.  How would I not get into a heated argument and become emotional?

In the past, I needed alcohol to not start an argument, but then, if I had too much, I would be right back at it .....starting an argument anyway!  It wasn't pretty.

But being AF gives this a whole new perspective.  I know alcohol won't be an option so I have come up with a bunch of other things I can do to avoid getting defensive.  I also feel so much more level-headed that I'm not sure the need to defend will be as strong.

There will be a wide beach in front of our house.....I can go for a walk.
There are many rooms in the home we are renting.....I can escape to my blogging friends
There are patios......I can go curl up with a book

I do not have to subject myself to the above talk if I don't want to!!!  In the past I have sat like a rock, drunk, and listened.  Oh, some talk I won't be able to avoid but I think I have the emotional capacity now that I am AF to tolerate it......I think....I hope.....

It's interesting.....earlier on I was so worried that I would need to drink on this vacation.  Now, I'm really certain that I don't want to!

I think I will keep saying the Serenity Prayer just to stay sane though!

God grant me...
the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the Courage to change the things I can
the Wisdom to know the difference

I may not be posting as much over the next two weeks but I will be reading so keep posting for me!!

HD