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Saturday, April 25, 2020

One bottle, one blip

And here I thought I wouldn't blog much.  I suppose if we weren't in quarantine I might not have the time, but it does feel good to get thoughts out of my head.

Last night I hit a speedbump but made it to the other side.  We decided to go pick up dinner and order online to get curbside delivery.  I think other than a pizza delivery and one fast food run for my son we haven't had outside food since this seclusion started.  I just really wanted good fish and there is a great restaurant where we can get it and I can get my son really good chicken strips!

So I go to place the order online and I see that sodas are included...….but you can also order a bottle of wine.  The stars aligned because the conversation went like this, of course at my instigation.

Me:  Oh we should get a glass of wine with dinner  (how does this happen, just blurts out?)
Hubs:  I can just stop at grocery store
(remember my guilt over contracting Covid if we were to make a wine run...…)
Me:  Nah, never mind, I don't want to stop
Me:  Oh look we can buy a bottle of wine, too, with our food, they aren't selling by the glass
Hubs:  That's way too expensive, we can just stop (love that he is frugal to a fault sometimes)
Me:  Nah, never mind, it's okay we are good with water/soda
Me:  Wow, we can get Kendall Jackson for $12.99.  That's not that much more than grocery store.
Hubs:  What kind of wine?
Me:  Chardonnay
Hubs: I don't really want Chardonnay, I can just run into grocery store on the way there and get red and white, let's go now.
Me:  (Oh hell no, now it hits me where this is going to end up)  Nah, never mind, we are fine with water/soda.  I'm just ordering now, it will take 20 minutes so we don't have to leave right now, we can leave in 10.

I noted that I think he glared at me but kept his mouth shut and went and grabbed a shot of whiskey.  Poor man, I probably had him salivating for wine too.

So I didn't have wine because of him.  I came so close to ordering that bottle.  One bottle would have just been one blip, right?  Arrgh.

I'm glad I made it through but I need to do more work, clearly, on how to get through those moments.  Well, we don't have wine in the house and we won't order out again until next Friday.

I've just got to go at this long enough to get to the other side and I hear that's at least 6 months!

Day 16 and Age 16:  I was giving a lot of thought to high school yesterday and this morning.  I had that one night out where I was clearly buzzing at age 14 but I can't think of anytime age 15 - 17 where I had too much.  I had sips here and there and even went to a prom where people were drinking heavily but I didn't.  I don't think I even had my first real hangover until age 18.

Not long after that Age 14 event, I became passionate about what I wanted to do in life.  I knew who I was going to be! (ha, that changed but I was definitely in to my plans back then).  I started flying lessons at 15, solo'ed at 16 and got my pilots license at 17.  Was focused on getting good grades and getting into college of my choice.  Probably just no room for drinking.

I think there is something to this.....Having no mental time for drinking is important.  Right now I'm filling my time with new and different things which is helping but I still don't know what I want to be doing with my life.  My career is fine but making that my main focus isn't my preference.  I love what I do but I don't need to be the best known in my field or known as a guru.  I am happy with the only marketing I do is referrals, word of mouth. I love people coming to me from happy clients where there is a real relationship.

The hubs has always had side hobbies to his work.  I am really envious.  He is passionate about these horses.  Why I am holding back from getting involved in the same, I don't know.  Maybe a fear of failure, feeling that even though I was the one with the riding background, he is light years ahead of where I was, now.  Need to give this some thought.

Happy Saturday


  1. Your previous post and this one are really going deep into the whys of it all. I am proud of you for holding strong. One day, it will stick, and you are one day closer to seeing it through. xo, LL

  2. Great job for not caving. Whew! I know how exhausting those mental gymnastics can be. But each time you overcome the urge the stronger and more in control you will feel. It will get easier. Keep growing those sober muscles - you are doing great!
    Hugs, J x

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