Newfound Strength

Went away for the weekend with the hubby.   This was the first weekend away with just the two of us in a very long time.  Oh we've taken trips with kids and gone to some conferences where I tagged along as a getaway, but this was the first two-night-er, away on our own, in some considerable time.

I kept having those moments of "hmm, I should be drinking."  But I didn't want to.  At dinner the first night after travel it was strange to not relax with a glass of wine, but it was fine at the same time.  It was awesome to wake up the next morning for a full day of exploration.  Again odd to not sit out on balcony with wine that next night but also wonderful to relax into my good book.  Hubby had beers but that didn't bother me...I drank a lot of tea.

I've had some medical issues going on that I am trying to figure out.  Had an MRI on Thursday and was called Friday by my doc's office as we were getting ready to leave for the weekend.  This is generally not a great sign to have your doc call you right away.......I was told that due to some findings in regards to an abnormal spot on my brain, although not necessarily of significance (whatever the hell that means), and since I have been having headaches on one side of my head, I should go see a neurologist and they were preparing my referral.

Lol, who ever said I was normal?  I'm pretty optimistic that the issues I have been having are sinus related and that they just found some abnormality that might never have been discovered or been of issue if I hadn't had the MRI, but, of course, a niggle of worry does take hold.  So I go see the specialist in 2 weeks.

I must say I dreaded answering the phone as I was packing.  But I'm glad I did.  It made me very reflective throughout the weekend.

Since I have stopped having any alcohol I have felt much stronger in dealing with things that make me agitated or anxious.  I feel so relieved that if I DO have to tackle anything medically major, that I am able to do it AF and not add that to the mix.  Not once during the weekend did I think I needed to drink in order to block out the results I just heard.  I remember reading about Sober Mummy and her tackling cancer after being AF for a long time and thinking, wow, how can she do that without drinking?

I get it now.  I feel the same.

I found this weekend that, in thinking about my life, going alcohol free has been a huge growth experience for me.  I'm really glad I attempted it and have stayed the course thus far.  I'm not going to worry about the upcoming doc appointment.........well, much anyway.....I will cross that bridge when I come to it.  For now I will just be grateful that I am enjoying being AF and continue to grow emotionally, continuing to figure out what I want to be next!

It really is worth getting to this point.  It took a huge amount of willpower for me initially and then, truly, I did ease into it and the way I feel has kept me from trying any more alcohol.  I was really having thoughts of moderation but Friday's call tossed that aside for me.  Maybe that was the bigger plan! I know, for sure, that I don't want to drink until all is medically resolved......and definitely not until Day 100...and not until I lose the other 10 pounds.....and then, hopefully, then, not even after that!!

HD