Friday, April 21, 2017

Day 6: Another attempt at sustained abstention

As I kick of Day 6, I had to laugh at my previous posts from a year ago.  I'm going back and reading what I wrote the last time I went for sustained abstention.

I can easily abstain for short periods of time and then whammo, one night there goes the whole bottle and pretty soon it's every night.  Even if it's not drunky-drunk every night, it can easily become buzzy-buzz every night.

Anyway....it's funny how the process for me of quitting is similar.  Last year I was equally fascinated with thoughts of donuts and other sweets.

This time around I'm feeling more tired in the first week than I remember.  Instead of an adrenaline rush of quitting, it's much more of a slow, methodical feeling.

I posted somewhere once how it must be hard to quit once you quit once successfully but then start up again.  Someone else posted that they thought it actually got easier.  I sort of now understand what was meant.  It takes some starts and stops to really make it a choice and once it becomes a choice then it's easier to keep going.

I'm still not sure I've made it a choice.  I've never really hit that rock bottom of "oh FFS, I am just done with this!" for the whole of drinking.  I definitely hit it on certain behaviors and those I did do a good job controlling during last round of drinking.  But I didn't fix it all.  I think working on personal issues, becoming happier overall in many aspects of my life helped, but that alone wasn't enough to stop drinking from easily escalating at times.

Until last Sunday it was a constant desire to not drink too much.  Days of abstaining, followed by days of drinking which led to days of drinking too much which led to more short periods of abstaining....aka why my body is starting to resemble Miss Piggy!

It DOES feel better now that I stopped playing that game and just told myself that right now it's not an option.

On Day 4 my family came through town and brought white wine.  Hubby put it in the freezer to chill.  I was so bummed.  I didn't want this fight to go through my head.  But then he asked if they wanted red or white and they opted for his red.  So we never opened the white and I just had my mocktail.  I was dying inside as to how I would handle the wine opening.  I knew that there was a risk I would drink the whole thing if I had a glass just to be social. Crisis averted.

Yesterday I was so busy that nothing appealed to me last night wine-wise.  I had too much to do and couldn't afford the time to numb out if I had wanted to.  By the time my day was done, I was ready to hop into bed with a cup of tea, catch up on email/blogs etc and hit the hay.

Hubby is now traveling and the mutts have become my responsibility.  So much for the great sleep of the first week without wine.  Mutt #1 is the biggest dog with the world's smallest bladder.  It didn't bother me while drinking because we all had to pee at 1am.  Now it is annoying!  Sigh.

Overall,  I notice morning lethargy.  I wake up tired.  That's okay though.  Better tired than hungover!

Tonight a friend is coming over for dinner.  She is a red wine drinker.  It's odd, how easy it is for me to abstain when a friend is over or I'm out socializing.  I have no problem saying I'm struggling with the effects of alcohol during peri-menopause so I don't drink that often, and no one questions me.  The struggle is when I'm home with hubby, or sometimes alone, at the end of a tiring day or a perceived stressful day.  So tonight should be easy and then I'll be at Day 7! Yay!

HD


11 comments:

  1. I hope your dinner went well (or is going well?) I'm in the states. Not sure the time difference. Be careful of those "this will be easy" thoughts, I've found sometimes that's my mind tricking me into a slip...

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    1. Good point. I will be diligent. PDT for me so dinner later today.

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  2. hooray for day seven!! that is awesome! woooo! :)

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    1. Thanks! Looking fwd to your next Vegas blog adventure!

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  3. Good job HD!!! I hope hour dinner goes well! xo My hubby is in Reno for work. Is that near you? xo

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    1. Dinner went great! Nope, sorry, nowhere near my neck of the woods.

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  4. I don't thing anything is easier or harder. It just is how it is.
    You know more about when you might be triggered to drink. Perhaps you can be more prepared. Would you tell your family? Or ask them not to bring wine?
    For s long time I gave in using the desire to be social of polite. But I usually drink more than necessary. Saying no because I don't drink is empowering. I'm doing what I want. It's amazing how good that feels!

    On to day 7!
    Anne

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    1. I'm just not "there" yet on telling family. Survived that 2 week beach vacation last year by saying I was figuring out headaches. I am still at the phase where I want to not drink because it's my choice and doing it on my own. We'll see if I can manage that way! All good points though.

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  5. Good for you HD. Keep going and it will be day 10 before you know it. Day ten all the traces of alcohol have left the system so physical detox is done but time to ramp up the mental detox. Careful of weekend triggers.

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    1. This weekend is easy with hubby gone. A couple of more sober firsts yesterday under my belt as well. I feel like with effort I can manage a life of drinking but I'm finally getting to that point where I am asking myself why I would really want to!! Not drinking feels sooo good except for those 2 hours a day when sometimes it doesn't!

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  6. It's good having your own blog to look back on. I noticed I get cranky in the early days. I think it gets easier. You know what your in for, you know how good it can feel. You definitely know what to be wary of. One week done!

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