Hold the presses, I exercised twice today. I think I feel good...and I don't think I'm mentally ill.
I started an exercise page on this blog, just to log what I'm doing. Exercise feels different now. I'm not putting pressure on myself to do a specific thing with a specific frequency, I'm not making like Nike and saying "Just Do It"....instead I'm saying, "Just Do Something, Anything, Move your butt for 30 minutes."
I've told myself it can be whatever floats my boat: swimming, walking, elliptical, a class, an online video, a DVD, the Wii, whatever. When I think of all the options I get kind of excited and lost in the choosing instead of thinking "arrgh, I HAVE to do this". I distract myself like a squirrel with the plethora of exercise opportunities I can think of. And before I know it, I kind of want to do them. If I think ahead of what I have to do, I can talk myself out of it. But if I start thinking in more of a choice mode, I have an entirely different perspective. Well, they do say variety is the spice of life.
I do still need some accountability to get moving. I got up and worked out arms with my trainer today at 6:30am for 30 minutes. She went on to do cardio and I went home for morning school prep stuff. But after dropping off son, I found I wanted to do something else. Just for another 30 minutes. I think that is my max attention span for exercise so I'm telling myself I can do anything for just 30 minutes.
I mentioned I tried Zumba last week but it didn't feel like dancing. It felt too choreographed, too fast, too many move changes. But I tried it and that had been one of my declared goals.
Today I went online. Holy crapola why haven't I done this before??? I have a drawer of DVDs and most have really long workouts. Ick. Most are at least an hour. But online there are free workouts everywhere of different types and length. I can't believe I haven't explored this before.
I found DanceWithShelly (click) today! She is my new buddy! This Zumba video is only 30 minutes and I didn't need a lot of space to do it. I just put it on my laptop in my bedroom and went to town. The music was much more my speed. I already am debating whether I want to just keep doing this video over and over or try some of her others. Amen for a normal, healthy looking woman just getting down in front of her camera for me!!!
So I'm looking forward to exploring what else is out there online! I found that I wanted to actually do this dancing today verus sitting at my computer. Who knew??
(Right now I'm blogging and blowing off work, but better than blogging and blowing off exercise!)
I know that if I was drinking regularly I wouldn't have this enthusiasm. I do like feeling not tired.
I'm still getting hot flashes which are driving me NUTS but other than those few minutes per hour, I feel pretty good.
I still need to focus on my diet - eliminating hot drinks, fizzy drinks and eating better overall is supposed to help with menopause too, so that's my next move when I'm ready. Right now I'm arming myself with personal fans to cope.
Getting through a hot flash is not unlike a craving for alcohol. They don't last all that long and I just have to push through them. The difference is I don't have a quick fix to forget about it. There is nothing to do but grin and bear it. With an alcohol craving it's really easy to think a glass of wine will just kill that craving. But it brings so much else with it that I really don't want.
I'm happy I'm at Day 23. I still want wine, I do. I still think about it in the evenings. One problem is that I've always enjoyed pre-dinner drinking. Sitting outside, relaxing with wine, before dinner. The issue is that then I would drink too much, be not motivated to make dinner or sloshed enough that dinner wouldn't come out quite right. Now it's great to not have dinner prep issues but I usually sit outside, push through the craving, feel depressed and then give up and go inside to make dinner.
I'm going to change the order of things. So we're going to eat earlier, which is better for you anyway as I understand, and then, if I still want to sit outside in the evening and drink whatever N/A stuff I can find, I can do that. I'm thinking that doing this after a full belly and closer to bedtime will help with not wanting alcohol as much. I usually don't want anything to drink after dinner. Will see if this helps! I really need to get some changes made and other tools in place during these next 7 days.
I'm struggling with the idea of forever. I'm pretty sure I'll "cheat" now and again. But if I can make this a true lifestyle change and not a diet where I feel like I am miserable and missing out, then it may finally stick. So far, the positives of not drinking definitely outweigh the benefits. As compared to 2016, this time I don't see any benefits to drinking. Simply an addiction, simply a letting myself down when I do drink. In 2016, I thought there were benefits and I was just in excess mode. Now, I know for sure I prefer to not drink. I don't like who I am when I do drink. It's definitely a mind shift from a few years ago.
Onward....
HD
Tuesday, May 14, 2019
Friday, May 10, 2019
Pondering Life
I guess it's a function of turning 50 this fall that has me uber in touch with aging.
Suddenly I'm panicked on what I'll be like in old age, what I'll do. Do I have enough money saved? Where will I live? Will the hubs live long? Will I?
Goodness, thoughts can get depressing if you let them. With an aging grandparent, I'm getting a taste of elder care. She selected a senior living situation but doesn't seem incredibly happy. Watching someone you love start to lose their enthusiasm for life is tough. My folks aren't there yet but will be someday..... and it has hit me that I'll be the one to deal with that.
Geez, I'm just finally growing up myself, learning to be independent and then in the not too far future I'll probably be taking care of them. I guess I was never really in touch with that before now.
There's a line from a Jimmy Buffet song I love:
It goes like: " Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all of the way"
I guess I feel fairly at peace as I coast into the second half of my life. (we have longevity in my family so it's not beyond the realm that 50 could actually be the half way point. )
I'm still growing through the use of alcohol but I've grown up, emotionally, in so many other ways, especially these last 10 years. Unfortunately or fortunately depending upon your view, I've lost a little naivete, but that's okay. Wow, wish I had done this growing in my 20s instead of numbing with wine.
I'm trying to turn more of my life over to a higher power, to relax, to roll with it, to cruise.....and enjoy the ride instead of stressing about the individual roads I take.
Peace, zen, happy friday, have a wonderful weekend and I roll into Day 20 tomorrow! Off to get my AF Beer for the evening. (no real cravings tonight but it's amazing what 4 oreo cookies can do - ooops)
HD
Suddenly I'm panicked on what I'll be like in old age, what I'll do. Do I have enough money saved? Where will I live? Will the hubs live long? Will I?
Goodness, thoughts can get depressing if you let them. With an aging grandparent, I'm getting a taste of elder care. She selected a senior living situation but doesn't seem incredibly happy. Watching someone you love start to lose their enthusiasm for life is tough. My folks aren't there yet but will be someday..... and it has hit me that I'll be the one to deal with that.
Geez, I'm just finally growing up myself, learning to be independent and then in the not too far future I'll probably be taking care of them. I guess I was never really in touch with that before now.
There's a line from a Jimmy Buffet song I love:
It goes like: " Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all of the way"
I guess I feel fairly at peace as I coast into the second half of my life. (we have longevity in my family so it's not beyond the realm that 50 could actually be the half way point. )
I'm still growing through the use of alcohol but I've grown up, emotionally, in so many other ways, especially these last 10 years. Unfortunately or fortunately depending upon your view, I've lost a little naivete, but that's okay. Wow, wish I had done this growing in my 20s instead of numbing with wine.
I'm trying to turn more of my life over to a higher power, to relax, to roll with it, to cruise.....and enjoy the ride instead of stressing about the individual roads I take.
Peace, zen, happy friday, have a wonderful weekend and I roll into Day 20 tomorrow! Off to get my AF Beer for the evening. (no real cravings tonight but it's amazing what 4 oreo cookies can do - ooops)
HD
Thursday, May 9, 2019
Just a few minutes....
Day 18 here.
Today I am reminding myself of two things:
1) My cravings really only last 15 minutes or less unless I indulge them and chew on them. If I distract myself, I can get them to go away. Sometimes I distract them with another activity, with another drink like AF beer or AF bubbly, with a magazine or book, with food prep, with good food eating, or, heck, with cookies or chocolate and tea!
15 minutes out of 1,440 in a day is something I can handle.
2) I can exercise for up to an hour a day. I can find the time. Or even for only 30.
30-60 minutes out of 1,440 in a day is something I can handle.
75-90 minutes a day for exercise and to deal with cravings is something I can find the time to do.
HD
Today I am reminding myself of two things:
1) My cravings really only last 15 minutes or less unless I indulge them and chew on them. If I distract myself, I can get them to go away. Sometimes I distract them with another activity, with another drink like AF beer or AF bubbly, with a magazine or book, with food prep, with good food eating, or, heck, with cookies or chocolate and tea!
15 minutes out of 1,440 in a day is something I can handle.
2) I can exercise for up to an hour a day. I can find the time. Or even for only 30.
30-60 minutes out of 1,440 in a day is something I can handle.
75-90 minutes a day for exercise and to deal with cravings is something I can find the time to do.
HD
Tuesday, May 7, 2019
Did it!
Day 16
Well, here is where I caved last month. But, then again, I'm not on vacation.
This evening will be full of AF beers or AF bubbly. I can do it. But it's the first evening without some commitment in awhile. Sports have ended.
I am determined to do at least 30 but I do find that it's getting easier since I have already worked through many cravings.
And I did Zumba today! Yay, me. It was okay. Again, not a fan of the music and I found it a little rough on my knee. Going to try a water workout next, I think.
Off to work...
HD
Well, here is where I caved last month. But, then again, I'm not on vacation.
This evening will be full of AF beers or AF bubbly. I can do it. But it's the first evening without some commitment in awhile. Sports have ended.
I am determined to do at least 30 but I do find that it's getting easier since I have already worked through many cravings.
And I did Zumba today! Yay, me. It was okay. Again, not a fan of the music and I found it a little rough on my knee. Going to try a water workout next, I think.
Off to work...
HD
Monday, May 6, 2019
Rebuttals
Day 15
I feel like I'm moving forward again. Did strength training yesterday and have a Zumba class scheduled for tomorrow. That's 2 out of my 4 "class" goals that will be checked off. Still will need to do yoga and water zumba or some water class. I'm intimidated as hell and I don't know why. I hate watching myself in mirrors and group exercise/gyms have them everywhere. I'm not a fan of gym locker rooms and being in a bathing suit. I don't really have an answer for this.
At the spin class I went to on Friday, I was a bit disheartened to see that every woman in the class, there were about 7 others, were very physically fit and some were my age or even older. I'm 5'9" and a size 12/14. I am not ginormous but was definitely the "big" girl in that room. But it's funny, I didn't think I looked too bad in the mirror. At least from waist up. :-) We'll see how I feel tomorrow in the group class. I'm using two credits with my trainer and making her go with me. It ensures I will show up and once I get going I'll be okay to go by myself.
My mind is just a trip. I realize the internal debates I have within myself don't just relate to drinking. Another blogger, DWIGHT, wrote a terrific post that made me think about what goes on in my own head.
Relating specifically to alcohol, though, my mind knows consciously all the "why's" I don't want to drink and my subconscious knows all the "why's" I want to. They battle each other constantly.
I realized that this applies in my life in so, so many more ways than just drinking. I have this battle in almost everything I do. It goes like this....
Conscious brain has a good thought, subconscious comes up with a negative version and then my conscious brain has to rebut and try to win the debate. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. It's this battle that keeps my self esteem up when Conscious wins and then, instead of letting myself feel poorly about myself, my Conscious side decides to drink when SubConscious wins. Not sure I'm making any sense here but it helps me to write about it.
For example:
My career:
Conscious Brain: You really enjoy what you do. It wasn't ever in your life plan, you landed in this occupation due to strange circumstances, but you really love the work. You love the lifestyle it gives you and the freedom. Good on you!
Subconscious Brain: Yes, but look at all your peers. You graduated from a top notch college and look at what they are doing now, what they are in charge of. You make less money than you did at the job you had 13 years ago! You don't have the money you had in your first marriage. You went on trips, owned "things" and you can't really do that now.
Conscious Brain wins with: Yes, but look at you having been able to be around to raise your son, spend quality time with him, make his lunch. Can those other moms you are comparing yourself to? For those who don't want to, fine, but what about those who wish they had what you have? So what if you aren't better off financially? You aren't starving, you still have a nice house, a pool, a car, clothes and food on the table. Think of all those who don't. You had the things before, now you don't. Chapter closed. You traveled a lot. Great, time to be cozy at home for awhile.........
And all is good.
But then there is....
My looks:
Conscious Brain: Hey chickadee in the mirror, you look pretty good for 49. You're a little heavier than you want to be but you've still got some abs, see that? Those thighs are big but, girl, you have been strength training for the last 7 months 3 times a week. That is muscle so of course you've gained a little weight. You look good when you dress up for work. Your face looks good without makeup (good thing since you are now a little blind) or with makeup when you can find the time to use a magnifying mirror to put it on. Your husband tells you all the time how hot you look and what great legs and butt you have.
Subconscious Brain: Yes, but you don't have a clue about fashion now since you don't have money to spend on it. Look at all those women at school pickup, so fashionable. Those women who go to the sporting events and look stylish. You have become simple, you wear the same clothes year after year. Look at your hair, you are approaching 50 with longish hair. Don't you think you should cut it? Dye it finally maybe? See those streaks of gray showing? Look at all those people on facebook working out at the gym, running, skiing. You need to do more cardio, you fat lazy slob.
This is one where Conscious Brain says shut up and sometimes can make more arguments to win like how I don't overspend, I go hiking, biking instead, etc. My hair has natural blond highlights so the gray really doesn't show. And all is fine. Sometimes Subconscious just keeps on prodding and I want to shut her up! Drinking has always done that for me in the area of self image.
So those are the things that go through my head. I have these debates going on in the areas of:
- my career
- my looks (exercise, diet, fashion, aging)
- how I am as a mom
- my financial security
- the state of my home (cleanliness, updatedness)
I suppose this is normal and everyone has these debates. I never really thought about cognitive dissonance in this light. NO WONDER we find ways of quieting these voices. The challenge is to find healthy ways to do this and not via a drug. Not via a joint, a drink, a cigarette, a pill, a shot or a snort.
I know what some of the tools are, it's just a matter of finding what works. It could be a nap, exercise, meditation, yoga, listening to music, calling a friend, etc. Anything where the mind has to change focus.
The mind is a funny place. I can drive and listen to an audio book. I can do laundry and listen to music. I can work on my budgets and listen to instrumental music but not music with words. I cannot pay bills and listen to an audio book. There are certain things our self-conscious can do while our conscious mind is engaged elsewhere. (Self-conscious is probably the wrong term but I understand what I mean!)
I realize I get into trouble if a lot of my day is mindless activity. If I spend the day driving, looking at social media, doing laundry or other housework where my body can get it done but my brain can be engaged elsewhere...….then those voices, those debates between conscious and subconscious, get very loud and, traditionally, around 5pm, I have wanted to quiet them with alcohol.
Right now I haven't made a lot of progress in quieting them but I need to focus on that. I still want wine to quiet them. I'm just "not having any right now" and getting by day to day. I love reading about bloggers who are at that point where they don't give it much thought anymore. They've removed it from their everyday life and habits.
Oh, I long for this habit to be done.
Plodding along,
HD
I feel like I'm moving forward again. Did strength training yesterday and have a Zumba class scheduled for tomorrow. That's 2 out of my 4 "class" goals that will be checked off. Still will need to do yoga and water zumba or some water class. I'm intimidated as hell and I don't know why. I hate watching myself in mirrors and group exercise/gyms have them everywhere. I'm not a fan of gym locker rooms and being in a bathing suit. I don't really have an answer for this.
At the spin class I went to on Friday, I was a bit disheartened to see that every woman in the class, there were about 7 others, were very physically fit and some were my age or even older. I'm 5'9" and a size 12/14. I am not ginormous but was definitely the "big" girl in that room. But it's funny, I didn't think I looked too bad in the mirror. At least from waist up. :-) We'll see how I feel tomorrow in the group class. I'm using two credits with my trainer and making her go with me. It ensures I will show up and once I get going I'll be okay to go by myself.
My mind is just a trip. I realize the internal debates I have within myself don't just relate to drinking. Another blogger, DWIGHT, wrote a terrific post that made me think about what goes on in my own head.
Relating specifically to alcohol, though, my mind knows consciously all the "why's" I don't want to drink and my subconscious knows all the "why's" I want to. They battle each other constantly.
I realized that this applies in my life in so, so many more ways than just drinking. I have this battle in almost everything I do. It goes like this....
Conscious brain has a good thought, subconscious comes up with a negative version and then my conscious brain has to rebut and try to win the debate. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. It's this battle that keeps my self esteem up when Conscious wins and then, instead of letting myself feel poorly about myself, my Conscious side decides to drink when SubConscious wins. Not sure I'm making any sense here but it helps me to write about it.
For example:
My career:
Conscious Brain: You really enjoy what you do. It wasn't ever in your life plan, you landed in this occupation due to strange circumstances, but you really love the work. You love the lifestyle it gives you and the freedom. Good on you!
Subconscious Brain: Yes, but look at all your peers. You graduated from a top notch college and look at what they are doing now, what they are in charge of. You make less money than you did at the job you had 13 years ago! You don't have the money you had in your first marriage. You went on trips, owned "things" and you can't really do that now.
Conscious Brain wins with: Yes, but look at you having been able to be around to raise your son, spend quality time with him, make his lunch. Can those other moms you are comparing yourself to? For those who don't want to, fine, but what about those who wish they had what you have? So what if you aren't better off financially? You aren't starving, you still have a nice house, a pool, a car, clothes and food on the table. Think of all those who don't. You had the things before, now you don't. Chapter closed. You traveled a lot. Great, time to be cozy at home for awhile.........
And all is good.
But then there is....
My looks:
Conscious Brain: Hey chickadee in the mirror, you look pretty good for 49. You're a little heavier than you want to be but you've still got some abs, see that? Those thighs are big but, girl, you have been strength training for the last 7 months 3 times a week. That is muscle so of course you've gained a little weight. You look good when you dress up for work. Your face looks good without makeup (good thing since you are now a little blind) or with makeup when you can find the time to use a magnifying mirror to put it on. Your husband tells you all the time how hot you look and what great legs and butt you have.
Subconscious Brain: Yes, but you don't have a clue about fashion now since you don't have money to spend on it. Look at all those women at school pickup, so fashionable. Those women who go to the sporting events and look stylish. You have become simple, you wear the same clothes year after year. Look at your hair, you are approaching 50 with longish hair. Don't you think you should cut it? Dye it finally maybe? See those streaks of gray showing? Look at all those people on facebook working out at the gym, running, skiing. You need to do more cardio, you fat lazy slob.
This is one where Conscious Brain says shut up and sometimes can make more arguments to win like how I don't overspend, I go hiking, biking instead, etc. My hair has natural blond highlights so the gray really doesn't show. And all is fine. Sometimes Subconscious just keeps on prodding and I want to shut her up! Drinking has always done that for me in the area of self image.
So those are the things that go through my head. I have these debates going on in the areas of:
- my career
- my looks (exercise, diet, fashion, aging)
- how I am as a mom
- my financial security
- the state of my home (cleanliness, updatedness)
I suppose this is normal and everyone has these debates. I never really thought about cognitive dissonance in this light. NO WONDER we find ways of quieting these voices. The challenge is to find healthy ways to do this and not via a drug. Not via a joint, a drink, a cigarette, a pill, a shot or a snort.
I know what some of the tools are, it's just a matter of finding what works. It could be a nap, exercise, meditation, yoga, listening to music, calling a friend, etc. Anything where the mind has to change focus.
The mind is a funny place. I can drive and listen to an audio book. I can do laundry and listen to music. I can work on my budgets and listen to instrumental music but not music with words. I cannot pay bills and listen to an audio book. There are certain things our self-conscious can do while our conscious mind is engaged elsewhere. (Self-conscious is probably the wrong term but I understand what I mean!)
I realize I get into trouble if a lot of my day is mindless activity. If I spend the day driving, looking at social media, doing laundry or other housework where my body can get it done but my brain can be engaged elsewhere...….then those voices, those debates between conscious and subconscious, get very loud and, traditionally, around 5pm, I have wanted to quiet them with alcohol.
Right now I haven't made a lot of progress in quieting them but I need to focus on that. I still want wine to quiet them. I'm just "not having any right now" and getting by day to day. I love reading about bloggers who are at that point where they don't give it much thought anymore. They've removed it from their everyday life and habits.
Oh, I long for this habit to be done.
Plodding along,
HD
Saturday, May 4, 2019
3 long years
It really hit me today as other bloggers have been celebrating 3 years of late. I could have been there with them. I know, I know, and they would agree, that many of them began trying to really quit long before I gave it my all in 2016. This is a process.
But I sit here this morning, 3 years after starting in 2016, drinking my tea and blogging as I did back then, and re-reading my old blog posts. I started April 24, 2016 and went 125 days. I don't think I've done 30 days since. Best I can tell I got to 20 days last June and then caved.
So 16 days in April and now I'm back at 13 days. I haven't had alcohol 28 days out of the last 33. Well, that's good, I guess. This time I am determined to get to 30 and then I'll figure out another goal.
What I am noticing is that those 16 days were relatively easy. The first 5 days have traditionally gone very fast. Then we had family visit who didn't drink so that was pretty easy too. Then we went on vacation and I blew it.
This time, the quitting has been really tough. But having Lia to call upon has helped a lot. I've wanted to drink, and I know I can. But I would have to let her know. I would feel like I was letting her down. Neither of us wants to let the other down. Having a sober buddy has been awesome. It was a sober buddy that got me through in 2016.
Since drinking isn't an option or I embarrass myself by letting Lia know, other things have worked.
1) Distracting myself with work stuff on my computer
2) Downing a few AF beers
3) Downing some AF Brut
4) Eating a few sweets and making tea
5) Eating chips/salsa or pita/hummus
6) Screaming in my car - amazingly effective
The good news is that I'm getting through cravings. I'm seeing that they really only last 20min to an hour. Once I'm through it, I'm good. My brain is wired to drink between 5pm and 7pm. If I don't start during those hours, I'm okay. I don't want to start at 7pm as it seems too late. (I'm an early to bed person.) If I eat something around 4 or 5, I do much better.
I'm a bit grumpy at the beginning of the craving, during the debating period, but once I resign myself to not drinking it's amazing how my mood turns around and then tension leaves my body.
I had intended to tackle things about myself these 30 days and I'm making some progress but I haven't devoted enough time to that. I had a computer crash, though, which was stressful until I got it up and running so I'll give myself a reprieve on the self help stuff. Maybe I'll have more time next week.
I did go see the therapist yesterday. She was awesome as usual. I always walk out of there with clarity and feeling zen. Discussed things with the hubs, he was actually really wonderful about it all. We had a wonderful evening not drinking and actually, get this, watching Outlander. Total chick stuff. He actually had tears in his eyes at one part. So sweet. If he only knew how attractive it is to me to see his feelings show. It was easy to get romantic after that. Something that has been eluding me lately. Merry B. Sober recommended a good book in that regard that I ordered, it arrived, and I am going to start reading.
And it was lovely to go pick up son at 10pm without having had any wine! Normally I would have hubs drive. But, oh my, when you drive at 10pm on a Friday night do you ever notice all the drunks on the road. Not totally drunk, but it's clear some drivers are buzzed. Between alcohol and marijuana being legal, I'm scared to death to drive on roads late at night, especially in this city. I try to avoid it.
Off to Pilates today!
HD
But I sit here this morning, 3 years after starting in 2016, drinking my tea and blogging as I did back then, and re-reading my old blog posts. I started April 24, 2016 and went 125 days. I don't think I've done 30 days since. Best I can tell I got to 20 days last June and then caved.
So 16 days in April and now I'm back at 13 days. I haven't had alcohol 28 days out of the last 33. Well, that's good, I guess. This time I am determined to get to 30 and then I'll figure out another goal.
What I am noticing is that those 16 days were relatively easy. The first 5 days have traditionally gone very fast. Then we had family visit who didn't drink so that was pretty easy too. Then we went on vacation and I blew it.
This time, the quitting has been really tough. But having Lia to call upon has helped a lot. I've wanted to drink, and I know I can. But I would have to let her know. I would feel like I was letting her down. Neither of us wants to let the other down. Having a sober buddy has been awesome. It was a sober buddy that got me through in 2016.
Since drinking isn't an option or I embarrass myself by letting Lia know, other things have worked.
1) Distracting myself with work stuff on my computer
2) Downing a few AF beers
3) Downing some AF Brut
4) Eating a few sweets and making tea
5) Eating chips/salsa or pita/hummus
6) Screaming in my car - amazingly effective
The good news is that I'm getting through cravings. I'm seeing that they really only last 20min to an hour. Once I'm through it, I'm good. My brain is wired to drink between 5pm and 7pm. If I don't start during those hours, I'm okay. I don't want to start at 7pm as it seems too late. (I'm an early to bed person.) If I eat something around 4 or 5, I do much better.
I'm a bit grumpy at the beginning of the craving, during the debating period, but once I resign myself to not drinking it's amazing how my mood turns around and then tension leaves my body.
I had intended to tackle things about myself these 30 days and I'm making some progress but I haven't devoted enough time to that. I had a computer crash, though, which was stressful until I got it up and running so I'll give myself a reprieve on the self help stuff. Maybe I'll have more time next week.
I did go see the therapist yesterday. She was awesome as usual. I always walk out of there with clarity and feeling zen. Discussed things with the hubs, he was actually really wonderful about it all. We had a wonderful evening not drinking and actually, get this, watching Outlander. Total chick stuff. He actually had tears in his eyes at one part. So sweet. If he only knew how attractive it is to me to see his feelings show. It was easy to get romantic after that. Something that has been eluding me lately. Merry B. Sober recommended a good book in that regard that I ordered, it arrived, and I am going to start reading.
And it was lovely to go pick up son at 10pm without having had any wine! Normally I would have hubs drive. But, oh my, when you drive at 10pm on a Friday night do you ever notice all the drunks on the road. Not totally drunk, but it's clear some drivers are buzzed. Between alcohol and marijuana being legal, I'm scared to death to drive on roads late at night, especially in this city. I try to avoid it.
Off to Pilates today!
HD
Friday, May 3, 2019
Spin Class
And on the 12th day she did a spin class. Noting that one for the blog.
Check that off the list. Might go back. Music wasn't my favorite but it was a good workout. Might help the knee. I could probably handle once a week.
My goal is to get an exercise routine that, other than my 3 times a week strength training with trainer, is then varied and doesn't get boring.
Still to try: Zumba, Aqua Zumba and Yoga
Almost getting warm enough for evening swims in my pool, too. Yay!
Onward to the weekend - I have stocked up on Fre Brut, Old Milwaukee, corn chips, pita chips, salsa and hummus to get through the witching hours.
I would have totally quit if not for my sober buddy. Thankful for Lia. She holds me accountable.
Meeting with therapist today to being the work on ME! Yay, looking forward to this!
Searching for true joy and gratitude....gonna find it!
HD
Check that off the list. Might go back. Music wasn't my favorite but it was a good workout. Might help the knee. I could probably handle once a week.
My goal is to get an exercise routine that, other than my 3 times a week strength training with trainer, is then varied and doesn't get boring.
Still to try: Zumba, Aqua Zumba and Yoga
Almost getting warm enough for evening swims in my pool, too. Yay!
Onward to the weekend - I have stocked up on Fre Brut, Old Milwaukee, corn chips, pita chips, salsa and hummus to get through the witching hours.
I would have totally quit if not for my sober buddy. Thankful for Lia. She holds me accountable.
Meeting with therapist today to being the work on ME! Yay, looking forward to this!
Searching for true joy and gratitude....gonna find it!
HD
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