Wednesday, October 11, 2017

What is working....and what is not

I've had a lot of inquiries about my diet and I owe you all a post.  I've been very busy with work which is a good thing but I haven't had a moment to breathe much, let alone post. 

But... every morning I quickly try to read the latest from all those blogs I follow!  I just don't have much time to comment.....but I do read and love all the posts!

So...my diet.....I went 10 days pretty extreme and then went back towards more comfortable (probably actually uncomfortable) habits.... but here is what stuck.

1) I have lost 12 lbs and some good inches....maybe more now, haven't weighed myself in a bit.  Then I kind of stabilized.  I can wear my winter work clothes again which is what was most important to me.   I am cheap and I am the only woman I seem to know who hates to shop!
2) Why am I not losing more? Because I still have wine and I am on an exercise hiatus.  Uggh.  No ugly moments but I still find myself saying I have had too much about every 5th day.  Some days nothing, most days a glass or two and once a week a bottle or more.  Well, that explains why no further weight loss.  And little to no motivation for exercise....I seem to hit this every October so nothing really new for me!
3) But now I don't drink much milk.  I have switched to Almond milk in my tea. Yeehaw!
4) I don't eat bread except for an occasional cheat day every 10 days or so.
5) In general, not much dairy but some cheese.
6) Very little caffeine.  I drink decaf tea with an occasional caffeinated tea bag and today I did have coffee at a meeting.....and I hate coffee.....but it was all they had.  (Along with that damn croissant and egg white... = cheat day)
7) I no longer do fast food.  I have Amy's micro-waveables (gluten free, some dairy free) for lunch when I am too tired to make a fresh quinoa salad. 
8) I no longer snack on chocolate or oreos. Well, alright, maybe every 10 days....but the Oreos ARE going stale!

Okay, so let me summarize:
- reduced greatly the dairy
- really don't eat bread
- dramatically reduced if not eliminated caffeine
- gave up fast food
- pretty much gave up sugar treats

This is HUGE, folks.  Amazing for me.

Now....why the fuck can I do the above and I still want wine?  Oh and now I am back to not being able to have as much wine because I have lost weight and it affects me more.  Sigh.

Clearly I am in avoidance mode.  I guess I needed to do this.  Exercise is the next thing I'll probably add in, until, after all of it, I'll realize that I still have to say goodbye to the wine.  The inevitable is on it's way!

I don't want it from the logical standpoint.  I just need the emotional side to get on board.

I have to be ready to grow up and face true emotions.  I know I have not/may not be there yet.  I've watched others grow so much in sobriety....I think I am actually afraid of what sobriety may bring.

Did I just say that?  YES...I am afraid what sobriety may force me to face.  Ick.

 But, I DO know, I have so much support here, that when I really get serious there will be a serious cheering squad!  I've seen it for Lily, for Tori, for SamKD and many others.  I know I will have it when I need it.

It takes a village but the villager must be ready to put forth some effort.

Thanks for your support over the last year and a half.  It's been awesome!  I'll keep you all posted!

Hugs,
HD

4 comments:

  1. Good God! In my opinion if you can give up all of that, especially caffeine, you have the willpower of a saint! And when you are ready, we will all cheer you on with alcohol. And yes, the growing up and having emotions really does suck. xx

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    1. One of the things I have learned over the last year and a half is that willpower alone will great opportunity for relapse....because willpower will fail at some point. The ones like you who totally give it up have that something more as a backup! Working on finding mine!

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  2. I know I could not give up the things you have!
    I hated having to learn how to deal with the world without drinking, but now I am so much happier, it was worth the effort.
    Here cheering you on!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. I had to do all that, I think, to show my brain that I can give it up. Now I want to give up alcohol in the same way. I don't mind a glass now and again but I want it to go away as the norm. Thanks for your support. If I can't manage this, I will just give it up altogether.

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