Recharged to reset

So after my lovely visualization of my riptide in my prior post, I just quit and coasted ashore.  So much for swimming out of the current, the pull of alcohol.

I read on another blog about alcohol being like noise that drowns out the peace of not drinking...or something like that.  I've been thinking about that a lot.

I felt like I had a cacophony going on in my head in December.....noise, noise, noise
- work very busy and frustrating
- closed on a loan for a rental property
- all the Christmas gifts to buy
- getting ready for both sides of the family to visit
- all the "should nots" about drinking
- all the "shoulds" about exercise

I just had to turn off and glide.  I felt like I turned off the noise in my head and floated peacefully in the ocean, letting currents take me where they may, dealing with things as I had to.  I didn't give any of the above "my all".  Just a little piece of myself, enough to make progress on all fronts.  I removed the pressure to do everything perfectly, as I really wanted it.

But it worked for me.

I made it through the holidays....the gifts were bought and wrapped....the house got decorated....all the meals were done for the family dinners.....the loan closed and I rented out my property already....I handled work issues without too much stress.....I exercised a little bit.....I drank some.

I think I just had to shut down for a bit, retreat from the blog world and just try to cope.  Giving up alcohol wasn't going to work for me this past month.  I would still like to get to a place where I am generally a non-drinker and I'm going to strive for that.  When I drink, I do still go beyond one or two glasses and I hate that I am pouring this poisonous shit into my body.

On a positive note, since I initially quit drinking in April I think I have had one morning where I woke up in that old "uh oh" mode, feeling still under the influence.  I had 3 nights of not remembering all the details real clear but no real blackouts.  I had no vomiting in the morning and no embarrassing slurring of words.  This is so much better than where I used to be, I have to rejoice.

My sleep was greatly affected, though.  I am very tired and I know that I need to get the alcohol back out of my system to recharge.  Going to do my best.

I didn't want to blog about my drinking and disturb the sober momentum I was reading about.  So many bloggers that I follow just "clicked" and were able to abstain and make it through the holidays.  Especially some who have been trying for a long time.  I love reading their posts.  I was always reading even though not posting.

So nothing momentous in today's post.  I just needed a "time-out" from all the expectations that I have for myself and that others may have for me.

I am back and ready to start again.  Ready to track things again, to start anew.  I really do need the accountability of tracking both alcohol and exercise.  I also acknowledge that I may also need a time-out sometime and I'm okay with that.

Today I went on an early 2 hour hike in the mountains on a beautifully sunny first day of the year.......and now it's time to clean up from the holidays, get caught up on paying bills, etc.

Happy 2017 everyone!!

HD