Craving hit

Well, finally, a true craving hit yesterday.

We had had a stressful day dealing with our pup who has an injured leg and by 4:30pm I just wanted wine really badly.  I knew that if I opened my mouth and said let's have one bottle tonight, the hubs would have shot out the door like a rocket to the store.

I really can't live with myself if one of us got Covid because we made a wine run!  It's bad enough having to deal with the grocery store for normal groceries.

Before I started this time around, I did do some new things.   First, I finally read Annie Grace's "This Naked Mind."  I don't know why I avoided it all this time but, while I did read and do her 30 day Alcohol Experiment last spring, I had just never read the full book.  It really is full of good stuff.

I also started and began reading The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray.  I don't really resonate with her drinking history since her experience was much more one of social and work drinking and mine has been alone at home but her diary of what happened is really only a small first portion of the book.  She has some really good advice and tools that do apply to me and I'm glad I found them.

The one that sticks with me the most is that thoughts can't make you drink, you physically have to take action to make that happen....or something like that.  I've been mulling that over and strangely that happened to have helped yesterday.  She also said to really get a picture in your head, like Voldemort or as others have said, Wolfie, etc., of your drinking voice.

I have this strong memory of watching the Wizard of Oz as a kid and hating, just hating, the ugly Wicked Witch of the West and yet feeling so peaceful whenever Glinda, the Good Witch of the North arrived in her bubble.  Billie Burke's vibrato voice always made me feel so calm as she talked to all the munchkins.  So this is what I latched on to.  My alcoholic voice is the wicked witch and the peaceful, non drinking side of me is the good witch.

Yesterday when that craving hit it was the first time I sat back and pictured the war in my head as two personas.  I paused, froze in one spot in my kitchen.  I was mentally watching the witches duke it out and felt myself gravitating toward the good witch.  She was where calm was, where the battle would end the way I wanted it to.  I also kept my mouth shut and did not send hubs out to the store.  My thoughts could not hurt me!!

I pivoted and went for that delicious cheese in my fridge!  Instead of asking for a store run, I asked the hubs to join me outside.  I made my mocktail and enjoyed the evening.  I made another and sat in the jacuzzi.  Sun strangely does help.  We went inside and made dinner and watched Magnum PI after dinner, lol.

Day was done.

The other tool I have been utilizing is the Bubble Hour podcasts.  Again, don't know why in 4 years I never tuned in but finding that I can go and pick and choose from past episodes suddenly opened up a whole new world for me.  It was fun listening to Clare Pooley's talk and others.  Some are from bloggers whose blogs I remember following and others are new to me.  I'm looking forward to listening to more.

Day 10 today.  Yay.

HD