Monday, September 4, 2017

Still sailing....

Hi there, I'm still here, no worries!

The end of the summer just got busy with kids, vacation, work, etc.  I've been just sort of taking stock on every area of my life and not worrying about alcohol specifically.  I spent a time drinking and really identifying why I am drinking.  Instead of focusing on the quitting, I spent some time looking at the remaining underlying issues that I haven't solved over the last year.

I made a lot of progress in many areas in the last year and a half:

1) I finally let go of my first marriage.  I know this sounds weird but it's not about a loss of the man.  It's about the loss of the family I thought I would have had.  More kids, etc.  Doing things with their father and as a family unit.  It's taken me a long time to come to peace with the fact that things didn't turn out the way I planned but it's okay.

2) I came to terms with where I am career wise.  I'm not where I envisioned I would be but the career I chose did allow me to spend these past years available to my son and that was important.  Now I am finally starting to focus on what is next in this area and it's exciting.

3) My relationship is better than ever.  It has taken a lot of work on both of our parts and I am so proud of hubby's patience with me and his willingness to meet me halfway.  He understands me better, my baggage, and I've learned what will and won't make him tick, and how to present issues in a way in which we can resolve them.  It's funny, most people get to a 7 year itch and for me the earlier years were so much harder.

Quitting alcohol for even those 125 days a year ago, and even though I've never made it that far again, sparked something inside of me.  Something hugely trans formative. After that, whenever I drank/drink, I am seeing why I drink.  Tackling the above was huge for me over this last year.

Unfortunately I gained weight.  Unfortunately gaining weight allowed me to keep drinking with less impact.  I can drink more, I don't have blackouts unless I drink way to much, but I could drink every night and probably be okay.  Except unhealthy and with serious belly bloat.  At some point, I'm sure the drinking would escalate and I would be back to where I was.

I have realized that the next area of my life I really must tackle and not put off anymore is my physical fitness and nutrition.  Thanks to some coaching last year I don't have the same negative views toward exercise but I still procrastinate it some days.  I have been totally blowing off nutrition.

Today is my last McDonalds bacon, egg and cheese biscuit, hash browns and OJ!  I'm going on a long hike though to burn that off!

But, tomorrow, I'm trying something majorly different.  This is really out of my box. I do well with following rules, though, so I think it can work.  Abstaining from alcohol alone has been tough.  When I can do it, I feel so much better and keep going for a bit.  But I think because my overall nutrition sucks, that then when I get erratic blood sugar, my willpower goes kaput and I start drinking again.

Tomorrow I am starting a 10 day detox.  This will be hell but, strangely, I am looking forward to it.  I'm hoping it will kick start an extended period of no alcohol and the birth of new ways of eating.  I will be giving up dairy, caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and gluten.  I have stocked up on recipes along with vegetables and non dairy milks and I am prepared for this......and the headache I will probably experience the first few days!

I'm not sure if I'll blog in the meantime but I'll definitely post when it's over.  Cross your fingers for me!  I'm really excited about this.  I don't want to fail at this.


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