Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Counting, counting, counting



18:2 (1)

I have a love hate relationship with counting.  Last fall after my 125 days, I started keeping track of my drinking.  I got agitated with all the logging I was doing for that and for exercise so I stopped. Unfortunately when I tried to move my counting detail out of my blog, I cut it out, got distracted and never pasted it anywhere else.  So then I lost it completely.  I really wish I could refer back to that, to see the escalation as it occurred.

I don't appear able ready  committed to this sober thing yet.  I like my sober days much more than when I drink wine though.  To me "sober" is synonymous with "not drunk" so I also have a hard time using the word because I can still drink too much wine to be healthy without being drunk.  Last night, though, I started down the drunk path, definitely was not sober.

Horrible sleep and small headache until about 4am.  No issues this morning per se but I am really tired. I feel like every time I drink now I am saying goodbye to it.  It's as if I am trying to get it out of my system.

Yesterday hubby had a really rotten day on many fronts, poor guy.  We have family coming to visit over the next week so he marched out to stock up on wine.  It's his family so this was more about fortitude than being a well prepared host.

I was cooking dinner and he came in with a glass of wine which I hadn't asked for.  I kept staring at it and then was like "what the heck".  Then we got into an argument over something stupid.  I think we were both stressed and itching for a fight.  We did make up but drank a bunch in between.  I pretty much remember heading to bed but it's fuzzy.  Yuck.

I'm just going to keep trudging along.  I'm not going to stop blogging, not going to stop counting.  I can still celebrate that I have only drunk twice in 18 days.  So I'm tracking 18 days since I came back to really wanting to focus on my drinking, drank 2 times and am on a new Day 1!

HD

6 comments:

  1. Why count? Just take each day as it comes.
    When or if you decide you want long term sobriety you will decide to take the necessary actions to achieve it. Maybe you will find something different is right for you...

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    1. Because I am addicted to counting too! Lol

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  2. I have tried counting and not counting. I prefer to know where I'm at but these days I count weeks not days. I'm never quite sure what day I'm on, but I always know what week. Keep going, you will get there!

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  3. on no! family visits certainly raise stress around our house too--even if you love the people visiting and want them to come, it always creates anxiety...so sorry to hear this. Good for you for keeping up with blogging! it's such a good outlet <3

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  4. HD I am going to challenge you again, you can start when you like (maybe after the visit) but I want you to try again to get 30 days no alcohol. You are always so busy, busy, busy and I think the wine slams the breaks on your need to be busy and be doing, counting, planning, exercising, being a mom etc.
    Getting that 30 days free and clear can be so refreshing just to see how life feels with one less thing.
    As for saying goodbye to alcohol, I did that for 4 years and each time thought this was it for real. You will get this one day I guarantee it.

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    1. You are so very right. I will do it soon. I couldn't this visit. More family in a week. Either I will stop in a week and sober through the next visit or definitely do 30 after that. It does help that you challenged me. I need that external motivation! Thanks for all your support as usual. This week I took a break from blogging and drank what one might almost consider normally. Actually probably many do consider it that but I know it's not. I don't want to be. Just need to get my butt in gear and really do this again.

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