Not much new here other than I gave myself permission to try moderation (despite saying a week ago I didn't really want to do that) and I don't like it.
My definition of moderation is regular drinking without going overboard. I have a friend who only ever has 2 glasses of wine a night so I thought, "hey, let me try that". Mother in law was here for a week so I used that as my excuse. I generally have done okay with it although I did drink more last night during our recording we taped of the debate. This election has got to be making drinkers out of some ...puppets out of others.....that's about all I want to say about it.
Today I'm blogging because I am done with moderately drinking. Even though I feel that I can control it now, it doesn't feel good to try. I feel tired again and I can feel the drug beginning to affect my mood.
I needed to get clear with my goal and then see if I can live up to it so I experimented. I feel so much better about exercise right now and I don't want to lose that feeling. I also want to tackle diet as well. I can't do that if I'm sucking down empty calories in the evening.
Here's where I am with all this:
1) No drinking every evening at home as a means of social relaxation. Even if I think I can control it now, I don't want to do it.
2) Max drinking one night per week. This is only to leave me an out and because I still can't seem to grasp forever.
3) Okay to drink one glass out at dinner if I am driving. We rarely eat out so not a big rule
4) Okay to have up to 2 drinks on celebratory occasions or out at social events. If I really want to and am not driving.
Yes, these are rules but I need them. I need to be able to measure myself clearly and be accountable to something or it will be too easy to slip back into old habits. If I can't stick to this lifestyle then it will be my clue that abstinence may be my only future option. I am still hopeful that I will gradually let go of drinking even when I have said above where it is okay. That would be my ultimate goal.
I do think that as I make progress in other areas of my life, the idea of giving up alcohol forever will become more appealing. We'll see.
HD
I have a couple of friends who are able to moderate after not drinking for some period of time. I am not one of them. When I was still drinking wine, I would pour each glass to the rim, so I was actually getting a glass and a half in each. Then I would limit myself to two, which came out to be three. Sometimes after three, I didn't mind having one last one because my resolve would have melted. You see where I am going with this ...
ReplyDeleteI do, completely!
DeleteReally good to read you figuring out what works for you! And you sound very clear re what you're thinking and trying. That's what really counts here. Sending you good wishes! xo
ReplyDeleteThanks, TS, appreciate it!
DeleteYes, moderation didn't work for me either. Not unless you count 1.5 bottles of wine a night moderare. No, I didn't think so.
ReplyDeleteYes, moderation didn't work for me either. Not unless you count 1.5 bottles of wine a night moderare. No, I didn't think so.
ReplyDeleteLol, yep 1.5 bottles of wine probably doesn't fit the description of moderation. That's how I was moderating until last April!
DeleteHi HD! It's great that you are writing down all your thought processes through this journey. Hopefully, reading back over the deals you've done with yourself will keep you on track! It's so easy to slip from 'I'll only have one on special occasions' (which is where you were a few weeks back) to 'no more than 2 drinks a day' (where you were last week) to 'so long as it's not vodka before 10am'! At least writing it down keeps you accountable. Big hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteLol, good thing I don't like vodka! This blog thing really was the turning point for me after so many years. Understanding my "tendency" as I blogged about has helped so much too. I need some external systems of accountability to make things work. It's just who I am! Hugs back and good luck with the book!!
DeleteI totally get the idea of notion of needing an 'out'. 5 years after giving up smoking I am still lured into wanting the odd ciggie, but on the occasions I succumbed 'one' turned into 4 or 5. Booze is just the same for me. It's good that you're documenting this so if necessary you're aware you can go to total abstinence. x
ReplyDeleteI agree. And I agree that is exactly why I am documenting. There's no fooling myself if I can't make this work and wrote it all down!
DeleteMy problem with moderation is the mindset. When I was drinking I ALWAYS thought I could moderate..until that 1st glass of wine became 2, then 3, etc. The mindset issue is that I was always thinking about controlling my drinking! It took me over! Honestly, HD, the not thinking about drinking is actually my best part of sobriety! It is such a HUGE weight off my shoulders. xo
ReplyDeleteI believe it! I've realized that I don't think I have a physical need for alcohol. And I've worked through a lot of the emotional need, understanding it and identifying it. I think it's why I can go without when I want to fairly easily and I never have wanted to drink before 5pm. But my off switch is NEVER going to work right, that I'm finally coming to terms with. When I do drink it will take an extreme amount of control to stop at 2 glasses. That I know.
DeleteGood for you for recognizing the feelings that even one night of slightly over drinking caused. I think this is why experiencing a long period of abs is so important, if you don't know what it feels like how can you miss it? I think another insidious fall out from attempting moderation, as others have pointed out, is the constant thinking about it. Until you've experienced it, you can't appreciate what it's like to not think about booze 24/7. That being said, I know people who returned to successful moderation after over drinking for years and they were eventually able to lose the obsession and planning. But it doesn't happen right away. If you find yourself well into the future and moderating but still fighting the pull and obsession, you might want to revisit the decision. I'm sorry I sound so preachy.
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't find it preachy. I concur. I wasn't fully abstinent long enough to never think about it but I definitely like myself better with no alcohol in my system. I totally agree that if I am fighting the pull, that isn't fun either and will need to revisit. Again, great words of wisdom. I appreciate it.
DeleteGreat insight: "I need to be able to measure myself clearly and be accountable to something or it will be too easy to slip back into old habits." Well said!
ReplyDeleteThought I posted a comment days ago but it didn't go through, darn it! I think it's good trying to have some structure as a way of planning ahead, as long you are able to stick with it, of course. I used to just fly by the seat of my booze pants, largely being very passive about drinking. If structure is a tool that is helping you drink in a healthy way (however you define that), then I personally say keep it up. Adjust as needed if it gets out of hand. Your blogging keeps you accountable so don't let that go. I hear your whispers of maybe desiring abstinence at some point, and if you decide you need/want to go that route, you will be supported. Just as if you decide healthy/moderate drinking is the most fitting way of life for you, you will also be supported.
ReplyDeleteHow is it going?
ReplyDeleteI tried many of these exact same rules. I could moderate. I didn't drink during the week at all.
But I made up for it on the weekends. I could never figure out sticking to 2 drinks. It just sucked.
In the end, I did what Kary May recommends. I decided to try a longer period of abstinence. I chose a year. No debate.
It was hard. But I had told others my plan...and very quickly I could see just how much better I felt not drinking.
As time went by I was willing to admit to myself that my compulsive behaviour and the resulting anxiety was crippling me. And that life without alcohol was actually amazingly better. That was so unexpected!
Almost 3 years later it is still true. I am missing nothing. Shocking!
Anne
All good here, just been insanely busy! Just now trying to catch up on some blog reviewing! I can stick to two with a lot of effort but when I throw up my hands, all bets are off. I think I'm much happier with just the rare moments rather than trying to moderate all the time, for sure.
Delete