Wine should not be a reward!

Day 3   evening

Made it through Day 3.  I really haven't had an issue stopping the drink, but, again, hubby was out of town for two nights and gets back very late tonight, missing wine o'clock.  I think he's my trigger.  (laughing)  No, of course he's not but the habit of sitting and relaxing with wine will need to be re-learned.

In the past, if he got home at 9pm, I would say "let's have a glass of wine".  "Oh let's just have one more"... Then we keep filling and before I know it I would have had 5 in an hour and a half.  Blotto, brown out, no sleep, self loathing, there I go again...

That's been my issue....I don't drink a lot or else I "let go" and drink fast.  My BAC must skyrocket.  I don't know if that's why I don't really have withdrawal symptoms other than minor cravings.  Right now, I'm perfectly satisfied with bubbly water to be followed by tea.  The problem with when I stop drinking is that I start sleeping great (slept great last night except for dog who had to pee at 1am...need to think about dog sleeping situation if I want good sleep...), I start feeling better, I get happy and see those pink fluffy clouds right away.  Where I lose it will be in a week or so when the cravings hit and I am so over confident that I feel for sure I can moderate and have a glass of wine.  That's when I will need the support! I've been through this too many times.  I KNOW I will not stop at one, who am I kidding??

The blogs and comments have reminded me of a lot.  I've added two additional reasons for not drinking.

12) Tired of having embarrassing bruises to explain when landing on my shoe in the closet trying to get my jammies on at night.

13) Tired of turning into a witch toward my husband, saying things I shouldn't and then not even remembering saying them.  (This turning thing is never predictable...most of the time I'm sweet and even get more fun and adventurous...but when I don't, it's not pretty and not fair to such a really wonderful man!)

I like blogging to clear my head of all these thoughts of alcohol.  I have so much I want to say to myself. I started writing down a list of topics that I can delve into and pontificate about in the future. (I guess since this is my blog, if anyone finds my thoughts annoying they can just click out so maybe I'm not really pontificating...I just love that word!)

The one thing I reflected on today is that I'm already setting up wine to be a reward.  Oh my that was not my intention.  I have pretty clearly stated my goal is to lose 20 pounds.  I'm dodging around the alcohol thing.  I think because I think the odds are so low that I will achieve that weight loss goal that it'll keep me from picking up the wine again.  If I get there though, I'm screwed with this mindset.  Rewarding myself with wine has been my problem in the past!  I need to re-evaluate this and really focus on the benefits of being alcohol free.  Wine cannot be a reward if it makes me feel horrible for all the reasons I have listed!!  Need more thinking on this but for now I'm content just to get through day by day!

HD