Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Crossing the Bridge

Last year after New Years, I wrote of my life as a garden with a lot of weeds in it.  Wow, not much has changed.  This year I am embracing the word Decision as my motto for 2019.

Everything I do will be a decision.  A decision not to drink, a decision to exercise, a decision on what food is going into my mouth.  A year of decisions.

Just because I don't ever miss an obligation, I rise early each morning, I don't get drunk in front of people, etc, doesn't mean my level of drinking is okay.  And it's definitely never one or two glasses.  I have tried and tried and tried.  It's affecting me in so many ways.  I am not sleeping well, I am gaining weight, I am not eating right, and I am not exercising enough.  I can be such a better version of me.

This year my analogy is that of a torrential river with a bridge over it.  My side of the river is misty, muddy and with rocks, baby boulders, everywhere.  On the other side is a green grassy rolling hill area.  Sunlight is bursting through the mist, things are growing.  I think I even see a rainbow.

I know the other side is not going to be easy.  There will be hills and valleys over there but it will be better than the landscape on my side that doesn't change.

I need a good year with no alcohol.....at all.   I need to grow beyond needing it as a means of relaxing in the evening, as a tuning out.  I need to quit this habit.   I need to examine my life and make decisions, not let it pass me by.  I am excited to see where I will be a year from now. 

Emotionally I finally feel strong enough to really take myself on.  It's taken a long time to get here.  It's time to put some will power to work and to improve my sense of well-being.

Today I'm crossing that bridge.  I can't afford not to.

Happy New Year!!  Happy Day 1!

3 comments:

  1. Happy Day 1! I agree, it's much sunnier on this side of the river...and it gets easier and better the longer I stay sober (coming up on 2.5 years). My unsolicited advice is to get some support and accountability to help you get to the other side and stay there - willpower could take me part of the way but it always let me down at some point. I never thought AA would be for me but it's an amazing community of people who focus on self improvement and getting better each day, and it's added so much value to my life and richness to my sobriety. There's lots of other options too. Wishing you the best! Strength and sunshine....Ingrid

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    1. Thanks, Ingrid, just knowing your are reading gives me some accountability!

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  2. Welcome back Habit! You'll get there, over that bridge. AS PTGD wrote, "never give up, giving up"! Lia

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