My Lists

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Recharged to reset

So after my lovely visualization of my riptide in my prior post, I just quit and coasted ashore.  So much for swimming out of the current, the pull of alcohol.

I read on another blog about alcohol being like noise that drowns out the peace of not drinking...or something like that.  I've been thinking about that a lot.

I felt like I had a cacophony going on in my head in December.....noise, noise, noise
- work very busy and frustrating
- closed on a loan for a rental property
- all the Christmas gifts to buy
- getting ready for both sides of the family to visit
- all the "should nots" about drinking
- all the "shoulds" about exercise

I just had to turn off and glide.  I felt like I turned off the noise in my head and floated peacefully in the ocean, letting currents take me where they may, dealing with things as I had to.  I didn't give any of the above "my all".  Just a little piece of myself, enough to make progress on all fronts.  I removed the pressure to do everything perfectly, as I really wanted it.

But it worked for me.

I made it through the holidays....the gifts were bought and wrapped....the house got decorated....all the meals were done for the family dinners.....the loan closed and I rented out my property already....I handled work issues without too much stress.....I exercised a little bit.....I drank some.

I think I just had to shut down for a bit, retreat from the blog world and just try to cope.  Giving up alcohol wasn't going to work for me this past month.  I would still like to get to a place where I am generally a non-drinker and I'm going to strive for that.  When I drink, I do still go beyond one or two glasses and I hate that I am pouring this poisonous shit into my body.

On a positive note, since I initially quit drinking in April I think I have had one morning where I woke up in that old "uh oh" mode, feeling still under the influence.  I had 3 nights of not remembering all the details real clear but no real blackouts.  I had no vomiting in the morning and no embarrassing slurring of words.  This is so much better than where I used to be, I have to rejoice.

My sleep was greatly affected, though.  I am very tired and I know that I need to get the alcohol back out of my system to recharge.  Going to do my best.

I didn't want to blog about my drinking and disturb the sober momentum I was reading about.  So many bloggers that I follow just "clicked" and were able to abstain and make it through the holidays.  Especially some who have been trying for a long time.  I love reading their posts.  I was always reading even though not posting.

So nothing momentous in today's post.  I just needed a "time-out" from all the expectations that I have for myself and that others may have for me.

I am back and ready to start again.  Ready to track things again, to start anew.  I really do need the accountability of tracking both alcohol and exercise.  I also acknowledge that I may also need a time-out sometime and I'm okay with that.

Today I went on an early 2 hour hike in the mountains on a beautifully sunny first day of the year.......and now it's time to clean up from the holidays, get caught up on paying bills, etc.

Happy 2017 everyone!!

HD

14 comments:

  1. I'm glad you coasted through, HD. It's so hard to get a routine going in December. I've tried before but have rarely been successful. The calm of a New Year is beckoning, though, and I know that it holds good things for both of us.
    Happy New Year!
    xoxo,
    Shawna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are doing so great!!! Cutting myself this recent break was very good for me. I'm looking forward to 2017 to see where I get with all this!

      Delete
  2. I heard Dr John Kelly say that it takes on average 8 years to achieve a full 12 months of sobriety. That is a long time. But it helped me hear that because it made all my previous attempts count for something. It all plays a part in the journey. You are doing well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm, that is very interesting. I can say why that would be and, I agree, everything counts!

      Delete
  3. HNY HD, great to hear from you! Wishing you a kind and fulfilling year ahead. Xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happy New Year HD. I hope this year brings you closer to your goals and desires. It sounds like you had a relatively busy but manageable holidays and that you went about handling it in the way that worked best for you. Continued success in 2017. Ginger

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have learned that one of the greatest causes of my disappointment and anxiety is rooted in expectations of myself and of others. Its a horrible cycle. Great job on getting through the holidays and starting out strong and aware for 2017. HNY!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HNY to you as well! I am very much looking forward to 2017!

      Delete
  6. I am happy you got through this busy time of year!
    And I wish you a Happy New Year!
    xo
    Wendy

    ReplyDelete
  7. Happy new year! I'm glad you are back. Sounds like you are going fine, no need to put pressure on yourself! X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm always here, PDTG! Love reading your updates!!! Always do! So happy for you!

      Delete