Reflections

Today my saving grace was my reflection.....

We had a dinner party to go to with 4 other couples.  I was worried about how I would not drink.

After getting ready for dinner and stressing about how fat I looked in everything and how many clothes in my closet looked horrible on me, I truly had no desire to drink.  All I could think about was how drinking wine would just pour crap into my already protruding belly!

But....I wasn't sure how I could get out of drinking.  I even finally decided that if they poured me a glass of white I would take it, have a few sips and switch to water.  THAT would have been a test for sure.

When we got there, however, everyone was drinking red and I don't really like red.  I just told the hostess I quit because of my hot flashes and all was good.  I had declared it and I stuck with my water all night long.  And it was fine.

I wasn't sure how I would do because we didn't know anyone but the host and hostess.  I was worried about socializing without alcohol, and it was fine.  In fact at one point I sort of felt buzzed.  Must have been gas from all the bubble water.  But I didn't seem to have any problem talking to others and it was fun!  I didn't make a fool of myself, I was able to drive us home and I observed and listened a lot more than I normally would have.

As others have remarked upon, I, too, noticed how little everyone drank.  One woman kept pouring herself red wine and might have been a little tipsy but nothing overtly so.  All the others moderated and switched to water after a few glasses.  Conversation didn't get rowdy and I enjoyed all the topics going on around me.

The fact that the house had mirrors everywhere didn't hurt.  I kept catching a glimpse of myself and felt a bit depressed.  But that's okay, at least I wasn't drowning my sorrows then with more wine.

I'm not even really fat.  I feel fat, that is the problem.  My friend would love to get "down" to my weight so I can't complain.  I'm healthy looking but as someone else blogged about, I think I look a lot better than I do so catching my reflections really bum me out.  Trying on my clothes really bum me out.

I'll deal with that slowly but surely.  I probably could have had that glass of wine and been done but then I would have felt like I had let myself down with one measly glass and it wouldn't have been worth it!!!  Or.....I might have had an extra glass....or worse, more.  So glad I didn't and nice to not have really fought any cravings as a part of the evening.  They will come again, I know, but getting a sober dinner party under my belt was nice.

I did hike and swim today, didn't overeat and didn't have any cookies or chocolate.... so did my part against the onslaught of belly fat.

Done with Day 4.
HD